That title may not be correct, but it's certainly the description of what my life was like one year ago. From May until December (technically more than 6 months) I was in hell. My professional life held on by a thread, and I was doing everything I could to survive. This was probably the closest I've ever come to quitting my career, and that should tell you something.
It started because of a mistake. Actually, my section made a mistake, but I took the blame. I was the boss, so my fault, right? I wasn't then, nor now, going to throw my team under the bus. I took my lumps, told the front office at my last post that if they wanted me to leave so it'd make it easier on them I would, and prepared for the worst. My Ambassador assured me that wouldn't be necessary, and we all faced the music together. It was rough, but it passed, didn't really cause as much of a stir as originally thought, and things moved back to normal.
If this was an O. Henry novel, it would have been a learning experience and I would have moved onward in my life, wiser from the knowledge received during my tribulation. Sadly, Mr. O wasn't around, and life was going to take a much more difficult turn for me and my family.
Before all of this had even started, I'd discussed with Lovely English Lass about leaving BA early to go to a post where I'd be alone for a year, and applying for a linked assignment to help with getting Lovely Little Girl a school that would meet her needs. So I applied, and accepted the job for the Management Officer in Karachi. LEL and the kids would go to the States, and now I had to apply for a job for afterward. So I did, and it was a job I knew I could do and was very qualified for, and fully expected to get the job.
I didn't. I was told they'd read my 360 reviews, and then looked beyond them and decided I wasn't what they were looking for in the position. When I asked what that was all about, I was informed that the issue in BA had been raised. I was encouraged to move on and try another bureau for a position. I looked, and found a job that I liked in another bureau, and a friend of LEL was the incumbent. I called him and talked to him about the position, and it really checked all of our boxes. I interviewed with the supervisor for the position while I was on vacation, and really hit it off with them. They told me I was more than qualified, and that they'd recommend giving me the job. A few days later came the official offer for the job. I was ecstatic!
However, a month later, 2 days before I was to be officially put into the job, I received another email telling me they were rescinding my offer. They gave reasons as to why, which were specific enough to hurt and vague enough to not give much detail. When I requested more information, I was informed that this was given to them in confidence and that I should talk with pretty much everyone I've ever worked with.
So, after all my hard work through the years, my reputation was laying in tatters. I was going to a post alone so I could get a place for my daughter, and then I couldn't get a job at those posts. I was advised to "just work hard and keep my head down and it'd work out" by quite a few people. I was depressed and seriously thinking of leaving the entire thing, and chucking my career. Heck, I could open a BBQ joint in the UK and be somewhat happy there doing something I liked. But did I want to do that?
Not right now I don't. (In a decade, maybe. Check back then.) Instead of the old me, that would have slunk away and taken it, I decided to fight back. There are in fact things you can't take from someone: Pride in your work and a sense of what's right are two that pop off the top of my head. Nothing in my evaluations stated any of the things they were accusing me of doing, and in my eyes (and rather amateur sleuthing on the internet) that was slander. Basically, I prepared to sue if they didn't at least give me details on what I'd been accused of doing. In my job, your reputation is everything. It gets you jobs and gets you promoted. If I'd allowed this to stay, it would have followed me for the rest of my career. I also received support from some very good people in the department who told me to fight like hell, and when I felt like giving up to fight some more.
So I did. I fought back. I fought back through the proper channels, and by laying out my story. I explained my life and career, and why I was doing my tour away from my family. I told them of the horror of hearing that someone somewhere was saying these things about me, and I wasn't being given the opportunity to even rebut them. I asked for the powers that be to direct them to tell me what was said, allowing me to face the accusations, and then to allow me an audience in person, which I would pay for out of my own pocket, to argue why I should be given the job back.
Less than two weeks later I got an email from the decision maker. It started off thanking me for going to my next post without my family, and how hard that is and how big a sacrifice that is. I braced myself, as that's usually how you start an email where the next sentence is, "However". There wasn't a however, though. They agreed with me, and directed that the job would be re-instated. A week later came the confirmation, and then in January I was filled into the position.
Here's the lesson, everyone: You need to stand up for yourself in this world, cause no one else is going to do it for you. I did have a lot of support from many people (both in and out of the Department), which was great, but it wouldn't have helped if I hadn't decided to take on that fight. Remember, if you're an honest person that always tries to do the right thing, then you have nothing to fear.
Monday, October 24, 2016
Friday, April 22, 2016
The pain of losing someone you never actually knew
Boy 2016 has sucked for losing famous people, hasn't it?
Every time someone famous dies, there can be an outpouring of people talking about how sad it is, and many fans basically distraught. Of course, with that and this being the age of the internet, this is followed by the people who mock them for their sadness, pointing out all the other bad things in the world, and making fun of them for caring so much about a simple celebrity. It never fails. It does in fact beg the question: How come you can feel pain losing someone you never actually knew?
Look, I'm no psychologist, but I can at least explain this one a bit. You see, there is always something that speaks to you as a person. Be it preacher, music, an actor or even a painter or artist. Something that you see that for some reason becomes a part of you. It's something you respect, and may even feel as if that one thing gets you. In this world, which can be at times very confusing and just a bit crazy, there are always things that can give you solace. Things that put your mind at rest and take you to a safe place. That's a connection that can't really be explained, but it's a real one. Because that person's work is such an important part of your life, losing them is just like losing a friend or family member.
I don't understand now why people are angry because someone feels sad their favorite artist (or actor, etc) died. I guess now everyone can be their true selves with the internet's anonymity, and it makes them feel better about themselves by mocking someone else's pain. However, it's weird that this has really started to come out, since there wasn't any kind of backlash against the sorrow felt by people previously when someone famous died. (Well, there was kind of one when Kurt Cobain died.) But no one said boo when there was much grief all over when John Lennon died. The UK definitely was very sad when Eric Morecombe died in 1984. But nary a word was mentioned over how stupid it was that people were grieving for someone they'd never met.
In my opinion, people need to realize that everyone has a thing they connect with. Lovely English Lass has Jane Eyre, the music of the Beatles, and other things as well. I have to admit feeling a certain pang of sadness upon hearing the news that Brazilian soccer great Socrates had passed away a few years ago. (He was a maestro on the pitch in the 1982 World Cup. Watch a few clips if you don't believe me.)
What brought all of this out, of course, was the death of Prince yesterday. Strangely enough, a few weeks ago I downloaded Prince's greatest hits, and started listening to it again. I've always liked his music, and if you grew up in the mid-1980s until the mid-1990s, you heard Prince on the radio all the time. Some people hated his sexualized music, and tales of his perfectionism were rampant. (Ask Morris Day and the Time, or The Revolution, or The New Power Generation.) But if you listened to his music, especially as another musician, you couldn't help but love the sound of Prince. Complex and simple at the same time. (Frank Ocean put it best, so go ready what he said.) It was the sound of growing up to a lot of people my age (now in their late 30s, early 40s.) We, as a group, have introduced some of his more tame songs to our kids already. Plus if you think about all the music he wrote, ("Nothing Compares 2 U") he's undoubtedly one of the greatest musicians of the last 40 years. LEL and I talked about how it was weird that this one felt a bit harder to take than some of the other deaths this year.
Again, to me, it's all about feelings. You make a connection to something, and it becomes a part of you. In this world, with everything crazy that goes on, if you find something that touches you deeply enough to become a part of you, then you should be happy. If someone creates something that means so much to people (be it music, art or literature) that when you die they all mourn your passing as if you were a true friend, that should be celebrated as well. Because, in their eyes, you were a part of their family.
Every time someone famous dies, there can be an outpouring of people talking about how sad it is, and many fans basically distraught. Of course, with that and this being the age of the internet, this is followed by the people who mock them for their sadness, pointing out all the other bad things in the world, and making fun of them for caring so much about a simple celebrity. It never fails. It does in fact beg the question: How come you can feel pain losing someone you never actually knew?
Look, I'm no psychologist, but I can at least explain this one a bit. You see, there is always something that speaks to you as a person. Be it preacher, music, an actor or even a painter or artist. Something that you see that for some reason becomes a part of you. It's something you respect, and may even feel as if that one thing gets you. In this world, which can be at times very confusing and just a bit crazy, there are always things that can give you solace. Things that put your mind at rest and take you to a safe place. That's a connection that can't really be explained, but it's a real one. Because that person's work is such an important part of your life, losing them is just like losing a friend or family member.
I don't understand now why people are angry because someone feels sad their favorite artist (or actor, etc) died. I guess now everyone can be their true selves with the internet's anonymity, and it makes them feel better about themselves by mocking someone else's pain. However, it's weird that this has really started to come out, since there wasn't any kind of backlash against the sorrow felt by people previously when someone famous died. (Well, there was kind of one when Kurt Cobain died.) But no one said boo when there was much grief all over when John Lennon died. The UK definitely was very sad when Eric Morecombe died in 1984. But nary a word was mentioned over how stupid it was that people were grieving for someone they'd never met.
In my opinion, people need to realize that everyone has a thing they connect with. Lovely English Lass has Jane Eyre, the music of the Beatles, and other things as well. I have to admit feeling a certain pang of sadness upon hearing the news that Brazilian soccer great Socrates had passed away a few years ago. (He was a maestro on the pitch in the 1982 World Cup. Watch a few clips if you don't believe me.)
What brought all of this out, of course, was the death of Prince yesterday. Strangely enough, a few weeks ago I downloaded Prince's greatest hits, and started listening to it again. I've always liked his music, and if you grew up in the mid-1980s until the mid-1990s, you heard Prince on the radio all the time. Some people hated his sexualized music, and tales of his perfectionism were rampant. (Ask Morris Day and the Time, or The Revolution, or The New Power Generation.) But if you listened to his music, especially as another musician, you couldn't help but love the sound of Prince. Complex and simple at the same time. (Frank Ocean put it best, so go ready what he said.) It was the sound of growing up to a lot of people my age (now in their late 30s, early 40s.) We, as a group, have introduced some of his more tame songs to our kids already. Plus if you think about all the music he wrote, ("Nothing Compares 2 U") he's undoubtedly one of the greatest musicians of the last 40 years. LEL and I talked about how it was weird that this one felt a bit harder to take than some of the other deaths this year.
Again, to me, it's all about feelings. You make a connection to something, and it becomes a part of you. In this world, with everything crazy that goes on, if you find something that touches you deeply enough to become a part of you, then you should be happy. If someone creates something that means so much to people (be it music, art or literature) that when you die they all mourn your passing as if you were a true friend, that should be celebrated as well. Because, in their eyes, you were a part of their family.
Thursday, March 10, 2016
So this is 40
Can't actually believe I'm here already. I mean, how did that happen?
However, 40 it is today. Yep, officially middle-aged. Hair is going a bit grey, and also a bit thinner than I'd like to admit. (Granted that's at least thinning. Rest of me, not so much.)
I'd long ago planned on how I'd like to spend my 40th birthday, or the days leading up to it. You see, I've visited or lived on 6 of the 7 continents in this world. I really wanted to go and see Antarctica prior to my 40th birthday. Sadly, that is not to be. Instead of sitting at the bottom of the world in careful contemplation and having an existential crisis (oh and whale and penguin watching!) I will be at the airport picking up the advance team for the very large visit headed my way at the end of the month. Not great, but it's something, right? As I heard once said, "If I wake up and read the obits and my name isn't in them, then I know it'll be a good day."
The truth is, I'm doing ok right now. The next year will be a bit different with Lovely English Lass moving with the kids to the US, while I add Pakistan to my list of countries I never thought I'd live in but, lo, I am. I'm in a much different place now than I was 10 years ago entering into my 30s. For my 30th birthday I had a party at The Brickskeller in Washington, DC along with a whole lot of friends. That was the beginning of it all, as about 3 weeks later LEL and I discovered we were going to be parents. Since that time, life on 4 continents, a little brother for Lovely Little Girl, and some great memories. Heck, even the Brickskeller is gone.
As I approach the next phase of my life, which I'm going to label as my dashing curmudgeon phase, I feel that I'm at the age where people start to take stock of their lives. However, to quote one of my favorite movies, "Leave your live stock alone." I'm going to continue to wear my Batman shoes and read my comic books and go to the Comic book movies if I want to (and if it's ok with LEL, of course). I'm going to continue to make corny jokes every chance I get. I'm going to walk into my office every morning to say hi to everyone to let them know how much I appreciate their work. I'm also going to spend as much time with my kids as I can, since I will be away from them for a while this year, ensuring that they always know that their daddy loves them very much. And I will continue to treat my LEL like the queen she is to me, bringing her tea every morning, and trying my best to let her know she'll always be my one and only.
Thank you to my family for supporting me these first 40 years. My parents, brothers, nephews, nieces, my in-laws. All of them are special to me. Also a big shout-out to my friends that have been with me through it all, and continued being friends with me even when it was difficult to do sometimes.
If this is mid-life, the next part of it looks to be great!
However, 40 it is today. Yep, officially middle-aged. Hair is going a bit grey, and also a bit thinner than I'd like to admit. (Granted that's at least thinning. Rest of me, not so much.)
I'd long ago planned on how I'd like to spend my 40th birthday, or the days leading up to it. You see, I've visited or lived on 6 of the 7 continents in this world. I really wanted to go and see Antarctica prior to my 40th birthday. Sadly, that is not to be. Instead of sitting at the bottom of the world in careful contemplation and having an existential crisis (oh and whale and penguin watching!) I will be at the airport picking up the advance team for the very large visit headed my way at the end of the month. Not great, but it's something, right? As I heard once said, "If I wake up and read the obits and my name isn't in them, then I know it'll be a good day."
The truth is, I'm doing ok right now. The next year will be a bit different with Lovely English Lass moving with the kids to the US, while I add Pakistan to my list of countries I never thought I'd live in but, lo, I am. I'm in a much different place now than I was 10 years ago entering into my 30s. For my 30th birthday I had a party at The Brickskeller in Washington, DC along with a whole lot of friends. That was the beginning of it all, as about 3 weeks later LEL and I discovered we were going to be parents. Since that time, life on 4 continents, a little brother for Lovely Little Girl, and some great memories. Heck, even the Brickskeller is gone.
As I approach the next phase of my life, which I'm going to label as my dashing curmudgeon phase, I feel that I'm at the age where people start to take stock of their lives. However, to quote one of my favorite movies, "Leave your live stock alone." I'm going to continue to wear my Batman shoes and read my comic books and go to the Comic book movies if I want to (and if it's ok with LEL, of course). I'm going to continue to make corny jokes every chance I get. I'm going to walk into my office every morning to say hi to everyone to let them know how much I appreciate their work. I'm also going to spend as much time with my kids as I can, since I will be away from them for a while this year, ensuring that they always know that their daddy loves them very much. And I will continue to treat my LEL like the queen she is to me, bringing her tea every morning, and trying my best to let her know she'll always be my one and only.
Thank you to my family for supporting me these first 40 years. My parents, brothers, nephews, nieces, my in-laws. All of them are special to me. Also a big shout-out to my friends that have been with me through it all, and continued being friends with me even when it was difficult to do sometimes.
If this is mid-life, the next part of it looks to be great!
Friday, January 29, 2016
MILB: "Believe" by dig
Many people have a Holy Grail of music. One or two songs that they've looked for constantly but have never been able to buy. One song that has haunted them, usually one that isn't well known but made an impact on you. A rare B-side, or only on an import from Japan. One of those things that you think everyone should know, but few do when you mention it. It plays with your mind and then you think maybe you made the entire thing up.
Then, through the internet, you find that others loved the song too, and YouTube even has the video for the song. However, you can't find it to download, and your wife has already said that there are too many DVDs and CDs for us to take around the world, so you don't order the album just for one song. And so you are stuck with only listening to the song when you're with a wi-fi connection and remember to hear it.
Well, ladies and gents, I present to you one of the two songs I long considered my Holy Grail. (Grailes? Grails? Can a Holy Grail even be plural?) As of November, I found both online after many false starts and fakes. "Believe" by dig and "3 a.m. Eternal" by The KLF were the two songs I'd basically pined for since I was in high school. I finally found both of them, and now I'm a bit happier. I'll do The KLF another time, but I want to focus on this lost 90s gem: "Believe" by dig.
dig were a band from LA that formed in 1991. They were unique in that they had 3 guitars instead of the usual lead and rhythm. It was a wall of sound. Their one hit was the aforementioned "Believe" which got a lot of airplay on MTVs Buzz Bin. (But strangely is not on the Buzz Bin CD Volume 1, which I have and is awesome. "Low" by Cracker, "Hey Man Nice Shot" by Filter, "Zombie" by the Cranberries, and songs by Bush, Gin Blossoms, STP, White Zombie, DMB and Danzig. However, I digress.)
The song can be read a lot of ways: Questioning your own religious beliefs; questioning the actions of others in regards to their own religious beliefs; or even questioning the role of religion in a society full stop. They definitely get a lot of mileage out of the loud quiet loud dynamic that the Pixies pretty much invented and everyone has ripped off since then. Still, it's a great song, and it opens with the bass player starting off which, as a tuba player in my previous life, I wholeheartedly support. The entire sound of the song is just overwhelming when you hear all three of the other guitars enter, smashing their way through the song.
I highly recommend trying to find this song if you can to buy. It's amazing, and definitely took me back to my high school days when I was awkward pretty much all the time, and a friend and I used the word "Elmerish" to describe things we thought were pretty cool. (Short for Elmer Fudd, which everyone agreed that I sounded like when I was trying to pick up girls so we made a joke out of it. Shut up, it was funny, you weren't there, I hate you!)
Anyways, you can find the song and the original music video on YouTube here. You'll definitely have 90s era flashbacks. (There is a version of them here playing it live on Jon Stewart's old show on MTV, which is pretty cool.)
Then, through the internet, you find that others loved the song too, and YouTube even has the video for the song. However, you can't find it to download, and your wife has already said that there are too many DVDs and CDs for us to take around the world, so you don't order the album just for one song. And so you are stuck with only listening to the song when you're with a wi-fi connection and remember to hear it.
Well, ladies and gents, I present to you one of the two songs I long considered my Holy Grail. (Grailes? Grails? Can a Holy Grail even be plural?) As of November, I found both online after many false starts and fakes. "Believe" by dig and "3 a.m. Eternal" by The KLF were the two songs I'd basically pined for since I was in high school. I finally found both of them, and now I'm a bit happier. I'll do The KLF another time, but I want to focus on this lost 90s gem: "Believe" by dig.
dig were a band from LA that formed in 1991. They were unique in that they had 3 guitars instead of the usual lead and rhythm. It was a wall of sound. Their one hit was the aforementioned "Believe" which got a lot of airplay on MTVs Buzz Bin. (But strangely is not on the Buzz Bin CD Volume 1, which I have and is awesome. "Low" by Cracker, "Hey Man Nice Shot" by Filter, "Zombie" by the Cranberries, and songs by Bush, Gin Blossoms, STP, White Zombie, DMB and Danzig. However, I digress.)
The song can be read a lot of ways: Questioning your own religious beliefs; questioning the actions of others in regards to their own religious beliefs; or even questioning the role of religion in a society full stop. They definitely get a lot of mileage out of the loud quiet loud dynamic that the Pixies pretty much invented and everyone has ripped off since then. Still, it's a great song, and it opens with the bass player starting off which, as a tuba player in my previous life, I wholeheartedly support. The entire sound of the song is just overwhelming when you hear all three of the other guitars enter, smashing their way through the song.
I highly recommend trying to find this song if you can to buy. It's amazing, and definitely took me back to my high school days when I was awkward pretty much all the time, and a friend and I used the word "Elmerish" to describe things we thought were pretty cool. (Short for Elmer Fudd, which everyone agreed that I sounded like when I was trying to pick up girls so we made a joke out of it. Shut up, it was funny, you weren't there, I hate you!)
Anyways, you can find the song and the original music video on YouTube here. You'll definitely have 90s era flashbacks. (There is a version of them here playing it live on Jon Stewart's old show on MTV, which is pretty cool.)
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