That title may not be correct, but it's certainly the description of what my life was like one year ago. From May until December (technically more than 6 months) I was in hell. My professional life held on by a thread, and I was doing everything I could to survive. This was probably the closest I've ever come to quitting my career, and that should tell you something.
It started because of a mistake. Actually, my section made a mistake, but I took the blame. I was the boss, so my fault, right? I wasn't then, nor now, going to throw my team under the bus. I took my lumps, told the front office at my last post that if they wanted me to leave so it'd make it easier on them I would, and prepared for the worst. My Ambassador assured me that wouldn't be necessary, and we all faced the music together. It was rough, but it passed, didn't really cause as much of a stir as originally thought, and things moved back to normal.
If this was an O. Henry novel, it would have been a learning experience and I would have moved onward in my life, wiser from the knowledge received during my tribulation. Sadly, Mr. O wasn't around, and life was going to take a much more difficult turn for me and my family.
Before all of this had even started, I'd discussed with Lovely English Lass about leaving BA early to go to a post where I'd be alone for a year, and applying for a linked assignment to help with getting Lovely Little Girl a school that would meet her needs. So I applied, and accepted the job for the Management Officer in Karachi. LEL and the kids would go to the States, and now I had to apply for a job for afterward. So I did, and it was a job I knew I could do and was very qualified for, and fully expected to get the job.
I didn't. I was told they'd read my 360 reviews, and then looked beyond them and decided I wasn't what they were looking for in the position. When I asked what that was all about, I was informed that the issue in BA had been raised. I was encouraged to move on and try another bureau for a position. I looked, and found a job that I liked in another bureau, and a friend of LEL was the incumbent. I called him and talked to him about the position, and it really checked all of our boxes. I interviewed with the supervisor for the position while I was on vacation, and really hit it off with them. They told me I was more than qualified, and that they'd recommend giving me the job. A few days later came the official offer for the job. I was ecstatic!
However, a month later, 2 days before I was to be officially put into the job, I received another email telling me they were rescinding my offer. They gave reasons as to why, which were specific enough to hurt and vague enough to not give much detail. When I requested more information, I was informed that this was given to them in confidence and that I should talk with pretty much everyone I've ever worked with.
So, after all my hard work through the years, my reputation was laying in tatters. I was going to a post alone so I could get a place for my daughter, and then I couldn't get a job at those posts. I was advised to "just work hard and keep my head down and it'd work out" by quite a few people. I was depressed and seriously thinking of leaving the entire thing, and chucking my career. Heck, I could open a BBQ joint in the UK and be somewhat happy there doing something I liked. But did I want to do that?
Not right now I don't. (In a decade, maybe. Check back then.) Instead of the old me, that would have slunk away and taken it, I decided to fight back. There are in fact things you can't take from someone: Pride in your work and a sense of what's right are two that pop off the top of my head. Nothing in my evaluations stated any of the things they were accusing me of doing, and in my eyes (and rather amateur sleuthing on the internet) that was slander. Basically, I prepared to sue if they didn't at least give me details on what I'd been accused of doing. In my job, your reputation is everything. It gets you jobs and gets you promoted. If I'd allowed this to stay, it would have followed me for the rest of my career. I also received support from some very good people in the department who told me to fight like hell, and when I felt like giving up to fight some more.
So I did. I fought back. I fought back through the proper channels, and by laying out my story. I explained my life and career, and why I was doing my tour away from my family. I told them of the horror of hearing that someone somewhere was saying these things about me, and I wasn't being given the opportunity to even rebut them. I asked for the powers that be to direct them to tell me what was said, allowing me to face the accusations, and then to allow me an audience in person, which I would pay for out of my own pocket, to argue why I should be given the job back.
Less than two weeks later I got an email from the decision maker. It started off thanking me for going to my next post without my family, and how hard that is and how big a sacrifice that is. I braced myself, as that's usually how you start an email where the next sentence is, "However". There wasn't a however, though. They agreed with me, and directed that the job would be re-instated. A week later came the confirmation, and then in January I was filled into the position.
Here's the lesson, everyone: You need to stand up for yourself in this world, cause no one else is going to do it for you. I did have a lot of support from many people (both in and out of the Department), which was great, but it wouldn't have helped if I hadn't decided to take on that fight. Remember, if you're an honest person that always tries to do the right thing, then you have nothing to fear.
