"Hi and thank you for your interest in Johannesburg as a post."

(this may or may not be the letter I send out to prospective bidders on my job in Johannesburg.)

Hi, and thank you for your interest in the Management Officer position in Johannesburg.  I've written this letter so I don't have to personally respond to 25 people asking the same questions over and over again.  I hope that's ok, and even if it isn't, too bad.

Working here in Johannesburg is a great experience.  Yeah, there is crime in the city.  And yes, the lights do go out because the country hasn't upgraded its power supply for a while.  Oh and occasionally we lose water for days and have no explanation why.  And yes there are strikes going on right now in the mining sector which is causing the Rand to drop against the dollar, but that's ok.  Oh, and in some places the put up signs telling you there are potholes instead of fixing the potholes.  But that's ok.  And many of the traffic lights go out for days turning the roads into a parking lot.  But that's ok.  The weather is fantastic: Not too hot or too cold.  Except that one time when Secretary Clinton visited and it snowed.  How weird was that!?!?!

Oh, and you might get hit by a van loaded to bursting point driven by someone that doesn't use a turn signal and weaves through traffic and stops very suddenly without warning.  They call them taxis here.  Also, you might get hit by the following as well crossing a street in Sandton, where the Consulate is located: A BMW, a Mercedes, a McLaren (I didn't even know they MADE street cars), a Lotus (but you might do more damage to the Lotus than it does to you), a Ferrari or a Mazda.  Hey, not everyone around here has money.  (Oh yeah, they pump your gas here, just like in New Jersey.  Proper tip is about R10.  However, they're going on strike next week.  I'll keep you posted.)

As for Security, it is an issue, and one that we rightly worry about, but that's something that happens in big cities.  I mean, there are places in Orlando, Florida you don't walk around at night, amirite?  Just make sure you keep your head on a swivel.  (Oh, the City Service workers just went on strike.  I'll keep you posted.)

Housing is on a compound.  Don't worry, as you're a Management Officer you'll probably be ok with whatever house you get.  (BTW, the airline employees just went on strike too.  I'll keep you posted.)

Safaris are a good way to pass the time here.  Go to Kruger of course, but there are other places as well in the area to go to see animals.  You'll pass by a lot of informal settlements on your way to these places.  Please don't take photos, as this kind of makes some people angry.  Just saying.  Also, Sun City is not far away, and it's a great place to play golf, take the kids to the water park, or even go to Pilanesburg for a game drive.  Remember, Impala have what look like an "M" on their backsides.  Also, do you remember the song, "Sun City" from the 1980s?  Little Stephen from the E Street Band wrote it.  Good song.  Definitely check it out.

South Africans love sport.  Soccer is very big here, and so is Rugby Union.  (Which is different from Rugby League.  Big difference.  Make sure you know the difference.)  Cricket as well is popular, and the SA team is the number 1 test team in the world.  Many people don't get Cricket, but I do.  Basically, get very ill and then watch a match.  It'll suddenly make sense.  (Update, it appears that the cleaning sector is going on strike now too.  I'll keep you posted.)

Anyways, I hope this provided you with a good snapshot of work and life in Johannesburg.  Truly a great city, and it's been a great tour.  Hopefully you'll remain interested in the numerous months we have ahead for bidding.  Please don't contact me all the time.  I'm busy bothering other people about their jobs and doing my own so I really don't have time to deal with questions like: "What's the housing look like?"  Go read Real Post reports online for questions like that.  Anyways, good luck with your bidding!

(This was satirical in nature and not meant to represent what I've actually sent to people.  Many of these sectors mentioned are not on strike at the moment, although it is strike season so that could change.  I'll keep you posted.)

MILB: The thriving South African Music Scene

Not something I would have thought about when I first arrived here.  South Africa music scene?  The only South African music I'd heard back in the States was off Paul Simon's "Graceland" and of course Dave Matthew, who was born here.  But an organic music scene?  Didn't seem possible.

However, that's certainly changed in my mind.  There are a TON of South African musicians that deserve to be heard worldwide.  The music ranges from almost Industrial Dance music to Country to Afrikaans Rap.  It's hopping right now, and something other places need to take notice.

The impetus for this blog is the upcoming "Joburg Day" sponsored by one of the local radio stations.  They put South African musicians on in a large concert festival.  It's huge.  I know tons of people that want to go but can't because the tickets are taken.  Over 30,000 people will come out.  Let me tell you about some of the bands, and check them out.  You might actually like them.

Elvis Blue learned to play guitar by watching youtube videos.  He started busking on the streets of Johannesburg, and started collaborating with other South African artists.  He then won the South African Idols show, and recorded some pretty darn good music.  He even set up a music academy to help under-privileged children.  He's also pretty cool when he does interviews.

I've spoken of Goldfish previously, but they are doing some great things with dance music.  They hardly ever perform, so this would be a treat.  However, give their latest album a listen, as I think you'll like it.

Locnville is a group made up of twin brothers, Andrew and Brian Chaplin.  (Their grandfather was the first cousin of Charlie.)  They make electronic music, and have become pretty big in Europe.  They started their own record company to ensure that they got the profits, not some label.  (As they put it, "We did the work.")  They're favorites here, and should be a good set.

When I first heard Blackbyrd's "I feel good today" I seriously thought it was an American Country band.  (At first I thought it might be Lady Antebellum, but was mistaken.  Since  I usually don't listen to Country music, I think I can be forgiven.)  Turns out that Blackbyrd are in fact a trio of South African women who love country music.  Not too bad, and I really like "I feel good today."

The biggest name this year is probably The Parlotones.  They have a song, "Stand Like Giants", where they are asking for a choir to join them on stage and perform.  Pretty cool, I got to admit.  The Parlotones decided earlier this year that they were moving, en masse, to Los Angeles.  Kind of like the Monkees, actually.  However, to show their appreciation, they had a going away party that was open to everyone.  they then got on a truck and played through the streets of Johannesburg.  Pretty cool, actually.  Give them a listen, you might like them.  (Personally I think they're trying to be like Muse, but I mean that in a good way.)

Anyways, there's a lot going on here.  I didn't even mention Jack Parrow, an Afrikaans rapper, or Die Antwoord, an Afrikaans industrial rap group that just courts controversy.  (Seriously, they're so strange that they were asked by Lady Gaga to open for them, and instead of only saying no, they made a music video mocking her.)  Kongos I've spoken about, and still dig "Hey I don't Know".  Plus, they've got a drummer who's a singer.  Nice.

Seriously, give some of these groups a listen.  You might find something you like.

Never Give Up

Last night, when I should have been upstairs trying to sleep, I was instead watching one of the oldest international football (soccer) rivalries in the world: England v. Scotland.  I was also tracking the Bosnia v. USA game on my iPad, as it wasn't on TV.  The US came back from 2-0 down to win 4-3.  I was ecstatic. However, the England - Scotland game was even at 2 all, and I wasn't going to leave before the end of that game.  The threat of a fight between players is always a possibility when the Auld Enemies take the pitch.  Happily, there wasn't any.  But there was a bit of magic that really was inspiring.  Real "Roy of the Rovers" stuff.

I'd only heard of Rickie Lambert previously because he played for Southampton, and last season they played beautiful football.  Rickie was one of the reasons for that.  Turns out, Rickie is one of the few players to have scored in all four divisions of the professional football league in England.  He's played at the lowest professional level, where if you're relegated you're semi-pro, and then moved to one of the biggest stages in the Premiership.  It's amazing really, and he's a hard worker with the ability to pop up at the right place and time for a goal.  The thing is, Rickie Lambert is 31, and had never been selected for the England National squad.  Good rule of thumb: If you've not been selected before you're 26, there's a pretty good chance you won't be ever.  Heck, Southampton deity Matt Le Tissier was only capped 8 times in his career and you have to mention his name in a hush if you're in St. Mary's ground, the home of Southampton.  So the chances of him getting a game, or even a call up, were almost nil.

Roy Hodgson decided to call him up anyway for the friendly.  I mean, he'd done quite well with the Saints, so why not?  Not like he was going to get into the game, right?  Not with people on the bench like Alex Oxlade-Chamberlin, Jermaine Defoe or Wilfried Zaha.  But, Hodgson gave him a run out.  And so, in the 67th minute, Rickie Lambert, at the age of 31, came on for Wayne Rooney to earn his first international cap for England.

In the 70th minute, off a corner kick, Rickie lost his man, jumped above everyone else and, with his very first touch of the ball in an international game, nodded it into the right corner of the goal.  Let me tell you, it was awesome to see the joy on his face, and on those of his teammates, as he celebrated the storybook finish.  (He did miss an open goal shortly before the end of the game hitting the right post with a bullet shot, but that'll be airbrushed out when he tells the grandkids about it later in life.)  Rickie Lambert was at one time in the lowest position in Professional football.  He could have resigned himeself to never going further, playing in lower divisions for the rest of his career, calling it a day, and lived a very happy life.  Many players do that.  However, he kept trying. Playing for Rochdale he kept trying.  Playing for Stockport County he kept trying.  Heck, playing for Macclesfield Town he kept trying.  Finally he got to ride with Southampton from League One, through the Championship to the Premiership and ending with a trip to represent his country on the turf of Wembley.  Doesn't get much better than that, does it?

You know, watching that, and thinking of all the stuff that we all go through each day, it goes to show that you can always try and you won't succeed if you don't even try.  My Lovely Little Girl does this every day.  She tries her best, and is doing well considering all the difficulty she has just sitting still.  ADHD and Autism Spectrum are not things that are easy to conquer, but I know she'll keep trying.  Maybe I can tell her one day about Rickie Lambert, or Temple Grandin, or even Einstein who didn't talk until he was 4, and let her know she can do whatever she sets out to do, even when the odds are against you.

Thanks, Rickie.  You're an inspiration.

How Lovely Little Girl Has Been Doing...

As you may know, LLG was in the hospital last Wednesday to have her tonsils and adenoids removed.  I think she handled it with more grace then her mummy or her daddy, considering the issues she has, and the complete lack of knowledge about ADHD or Autism from the staff at the hospital.

We got up early last Wednesday so that LLG could be at the hospital in time.  I dropped Crazy Little Man off at Pre-School, and off I went to the hospital myself.  (However first I had a talk with CLM.  Since his sister was getting a big Hello Kitty for being a good girl at the hospital, if he could be a good boy for 10 days, the length she was recuperating, then I'd buy him a gift.  So far so good!)

Got to the room and LLG and LEL were waiting for the doctor and the nurses to come in.  The anesthetist (which I just spelled correctly without spellcheck!) came in, explained what was going to happen, and left.  Next a nurse came in, took her temperature, and then put a thing on her finger to measure heart rate and other things.  But LLG didn't like having it on her finger, and it wasn't getting a good reading because she kept moving.  The nurse started to get cross and kept telling LLG not to move.  I explained that she had ADHD and Autism, but the nurse answered, "It doesn't matter, she needs to stay still!"  Nice, really.  Finally she stayed still long enough to get the readings, and off she went.

Oh, and we were in a room with two other children.  One was a girl that was probably 12, and the other was a boy that was about CLMs age, and in fact wearing the same pjs that he likes to wear.  LEL was listening when the nurse was asking the little boy's mother about allergies, and she listed cats.  The boy piped up with, "We've got two cats at home, don't we mummy?"  The mother answered, "Two LOVELY cats, yes."

The time came when the doctors and nurses came to roll LLG out of the room.  LEL went with her, and I stayed with the stuff.  After about 15 minutes I went to the waiting area to give LEL some food, since she hadn't eaten yet.  Finally, 10 minutes later, they came for LEL.  However, they didn't let her into the room where LLG was waiting immediately, and after hearing LLG crying, LEL went in.  Two nurses were forcibly holding LLG down as she struggled and cried.  LEL told them to let her go, which they replied they were trying to protect her head.  LEL told them then to protect her head, but by forcibly holding her down they were making it worse.  After letting her go, she calmed down quickly.  After a bit, they rolled her back into her room, where she went to sleep.

While she was sleeping, a weird thing happened.  The nurse brought in a can of coke and a grilled cheese sandwich.  That's not how I remember my friends back home talking about their tonsillectomy.  Turns out, this is what they do in SA.  (It's a holdover as they want to make sure they can chew.  Not sure on the coke, though.)  One of my workers told me that when he had his tonsils out, they gave him a can of coke, a packet of chips (crisps for those of you outside the US) and biltong.  (If you don't know what that is, it's very strong and tough beef jerky.)  LLG doesn't eat cheese, and has never had a coke, so we refused.  The nurse was adamant that she had to eat it.  We compromised and she had juice and toast.

I had to get back to work, so LLG paid for the bill, got her meds, instructions on how to handle her, and off she went.  So far she's ok as far as we know.  Her voice is higher, but we understand that'll change back after a bit.  Sadly she can't tell us she's in pain, so we just keep up with her pain meds to make sure that she's ok.  She has to not be active for 10 days to ensure that she's ok, which is quite difficult to do with a child with ADHD.  I had to stay home with her on Friday and Monday, and I can tell you she's about to lose her mind not being able to jump or go outside.  We're slowly introducing her to going out, but we have to be careful.  Still, she actually has been sleeping better.  (Not in her bed, of course, but yesterday she slept until almost 7, so not bad.)

At least we won't have to deal with tonsilitis any more.  5 times in less than a year is not fun.  The doctor said he was glad we removed them because, and this is a direct quote, "They were huge, scarred and disgusting." Sadly, he didn't bring them in so we could see them.  I mean, you can't say something like that and not show us!  Oh well.  I just know I'm glad this ordeal is over.  Hopefully LLG will be a happier person because of this.  Plus, she starts school again on Monday, so I know she'll be back to her giggly, happy self soon enough.

MILB: "STUNNER" by Dan le Sac vs. Scroobius Pip

Sometimes you stumble across a group that is so random that you have to love them.  I feel that way about Dan le Sac vs. Scroobius Pip.  I first heard one of their songs back in 2007, I think, on a British TV Show called "Soccer AM".  (Weird that they call it Soccer AM, and not Football AM.  I digress.)  Their song was "Thou Shalt Always Kill" and I thought it was awesome.  Pip is a poet, not a rapper.  Dan le Sac puts beats to the thing and create a mash of goodness that can't be pigeonholed as rap or spoken word.

Anyways, this week the finally released another song.  "STUNNER" is much darker than "Thou Shalt Always Kill" and "Beat that my Heart skipped", their other song that I adore.  This one is just full a on assault.  The fantastic "chorus" of "The World Don't revolve around you but it should/ not saying you're perfect but you're really really good."

The beginning of the song is Scroob rapping a capella, "I know it sounds weird/ I do want you to look back on this and smile, but/ I kind of want that smile to be through tears."  Dark, but also an interesting take.  Everyone wants to be remembered happily, but also kind of want the person who's left you to be sad that it ended.

The lyrics are just on another level.  "That light at the end of the tunnel was a fire."  "Don't need the world to love me, I just need you to."  "If Romance is dead/ blame the hopeless romantics."  Or my favorite one: "I wore my heart on my sleeve and you stole my (expletive) shirt."  This is just a verbal assault for 3 minutes and 59 seconds.  The only time it lets up is during the break, but even then the tension still remains as Dan le Sac's beat and music continue the attack on your senses.

It could be considered a love song, I suppose, if Stephen King wrote love songs.  The music is hard, and there are quite a few curse words in it, so don't listen to it around kids.  It very much reminds me of the first time I heard industrial music back in the early 90s.  It's jarring, and unsettling, but that's one of the things that music can, and should do.  It shouldn't be bubblegum pop, with no meaning or depth to it.  There needs to be something visceral in the music to make you feel one thing or another.   If you heard this song on the radio (which you won't) then you'd definitely remember it.  It's not something that you can listen to passively.  Songs that I think are like that are NIN "Head Like a Hole", Filter's "Hey Man Nice Shot" and to a lesser extent all of Minor Threat's songs.

It may not be to your liking, though.  If you don't like it, that's ok.  However, give Dan le Sac and Scroobius Pip a listen to on some of their other songs.  "Beat that my heart skipped" might be more to your style, or even "Thou Shalt Always Kill."  All I know is that I've listened to "STUNNER" probably 40 times since I downloaded it last weekend, and I will probably listen to it even move this weekend.  Not because it speaks directly to me, but because I dig the song.

MILB: "Round Here" by Counting Crows

You know, sometimes there is a band that releases an album that they really had no business releasing.  Nothing they do afterwards lives up to how good the first album is, and while some of their past songs are great, it never reaches as high as the first one.  Bush have this with "16 Stone".  Counting Crows, while releasing some great music in the past, never once have reached the total awesomeness of August and Everything After, released 20 years ago this September.

"Round Here" is probably one of my favorite, and most maddening, Counting Crows songs.  It has some fantastic lyrics, and some really lazy ones as well.  The music is very simple and quiet, with the beginning like an organ that slowly grows in sound.  Then a guitar enters playing a broken chord that plays as the backbone of the song.  It's very powerful.

The lyrics, as I said previously, can be quite amazing.  The frontman, Adam Duritz, explained that the song is about a guy leaving a woman, and everything behind, and realizing that he's just losing himself as well.  Then comes the greatest line in the song:

"Round here we talk just like lions, but we sacrifice like lambs."

The imagery of that is amazing.  He then of course follows up later in the song with the laziest lyric in the song:

"Round here we stay up very very very very late."

Wow.

Anyways, the rest of the song is brilliant, and you can hear the emotion Duritz' voice as he sings it.  This song meant a lot to me in 1993-1994, as did this entire album.  I was just about to graduate from High School and move 879 miles away to Washington, DC.  It definitely spoke to me, and it's something that's always stayed with me.

Even now I listen to it and it has meaning.  August 2, 2013 will be our 2nd year anniversary in South Africa.  Listening to it makes me think back to everything that's happened over the past two years and realizing that lots has happened and that we don't always have time.  Listen to the song, and then the rest of August and Everything After.  "Anna Begins" is fantastic, and "Mr. Jones" is a classic as well.  But also listen to "Time and Time Again" and "Sullivan Street."  Duritz was trying to be Bob Dylan, and it's not a bad effort.