Today, my son turns three years old.
Crazy Little Man was born in Luxembourg less than 3 months before we left the Grand Duchy. However, his was anything but a normal arrival in the world. We found out that we were going to be parents again at Ramstein AFB in Germany while our friend, Eurochini, was visiting. Shortly afterwards Lovely Little Girl, not yet age 2, locked my wife in her bedroom and Lovely English Lass had to abseil down the side of the wall with sheets tied together and crawl in through a basement window to get back into the house. He was fine. Then, the doctors started doing ultra-sounds and thought he might have down's syndrome or worse. It got to the point where doctors, in a very Catholic country, were discussing with us the possibility of an abortion. Scary, right? Turns out he was fine. All through the pregnancy the doctors kept being worried, but it always turned out to be nothing.
Since then, he's lived in three different countries (counting Lux) and started to develop his own little personality. He loves sports, but doesn't seem to understand most of them. He wants to play golf and cricket and tennis, but can't seem to stop hitting people with the bat, club or racket. He loves the movie Cars, and seems to really like Spider-Man. He joins his dad watching Phineas and Ferb, and it is hilarious listening to him say, in a deep voice, "Thwart me Perry the Platypus!" He can name the alter-egos of a surprising number of superheroes, and lately has started calling himself Bebe. (Like he's a French Frank Sinatra reincarnated or something.) He likes to jump off everything, and has perfected the art of acting like he's hurt and blaming his sister (even when she's not in the room). His superhero alter-ego is Zack the Train, and his finishing move on bad guys is the piston-punch and then shunting them into walls. He doesn't yet seem to know if he's a big boy or a baby. His favorite football (soccer) player is Scott Parker, and I can't be mad at him about that. He knows Brad Freidel plays goal and that Sheffield United are The Blades.
He's also an attention hog when he goes out into public. Women everywhere fall all over him and his big blue eyes and straw colored hair. When we go to a restaurant with a play area, all of the watchers pay attention to him to the detriment of the other kids. (This really does happen.) He stares at women until the look at him, and then looks away shyly. This ensures that they are forever in his power.
Crazy Little Man can be the most charming and most infuriating kid you'll ever meet. One minute he's throwing food, and the next saying that Daddy is his superhero.
He's definitely the Robin to my Batman or the Sundance to my Butch Cassidy. But he can also be the Joker to my Batman or the LeFours to my Butch Cassidy. One day I hope he and I will have the relationship that my father and I have. Right now he's my Crazy Little Man and I couldn't be happier for that. Happy birthday Bebe.
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Thursday, March 22, 2012
A father's anger
Recently, we've tried to find a school that will take Lovely Little Girl. It can be difficult, but there are numerous remedial schools that have fine reputations here in Johannesburg who aim to mainstream their students. That's what we're looking for, a place that will take her, and help move her to a normal school. It's one of the problems we have: Schools won't take her because she's only been involved in Autism centered programs, but she can't get in to a school to give her the chance. It's a vicious cycle.
So when we got an appointment with one of these remedial schools and they said they'd take her on a trial for 3 days, I was excited but also a little scared. 3 days isn't long for someone who isn't on the spectrum to get acquainted with new surroundings. Heck, I take at least a week, and I'm purportedly neuro-typical. Still, it was a chance to get going and maybe have her ready for a new school next year. We didn't prepare her as well as we should have, but sometimes it is better to have her at her worst to make sure the school knows what they're getting. Usually, though, in a new environment LLG is a bit timid at the beginning. I was hoping she would steal the hearts of the teachers and they would say how excited they were to have her coming the next year.
It wasn't to be. They had her for 3 days (actually 2 1/2) and called afterwards to tell us that they couldn't provide for her, and we should try an autism only school. Never mind that everyone that has ever had my lovely daughter in a class or therapy tells us that she is a prime example of a child that would blossom with mainstream schooling. Never mind that you really can't tell anything from 2 1/2 days of school observation. Never mind that they used words that showed they were fixated on her being on the autism spectrum. No, they couldn't help her.
You know what? If they truly didn't have the ability to help my daughter, then I would be ok with that. I'm not going to force them to take her when it wouldn't be beneficial to do so. I have her needs to look out for as well. What really steams me is that it appears that they didn't even try. 2 1/2 days doesn't tell you anything about my lovely daughter. They said she went on "elopement" during her first day to go and jump on the trampoline. That's a particularly "autistic" phrase. My question is: Did you tell her it wasn't time to jump on the trampoline, or did you leave her out there to continue jumping? Did you lay out the rules for jumping on the trampoline? How many kindergarten children, seeing a trampoline at school, would not go and try to jump on it? But, because my daughter has autism you assume that she just does her own thing and can't be told to come join the circle? REALLY?!?!?
Also, the fact that it was only 2 1/2 days. That's all they gave her. She doesn't come out of her shell until at least day 3, and even then it's only a little bit. New school environment, new teachers, what little kid wouldn't be a little off. Heck, I remember crying for my mother when I went to Kindergarten, and she worked in the same school! (I was a bit of a wuss.)
The worst part is, my daughter loved it there. She talked about her new school, and cried when we took her back to the school we have her in. That's what upsets me the most. That my wife and I had to tell her that she couldn't go back to the new school, because it wasn't to be. I've promised myself that no one will ever tell Lovely Little Girl that she can't do something because of her autism. If she wants to be a writer, painter, philosopher, activist or even a mother, no one can tell her no. She will do what she wants to do, all they need to do is give her a chance. This school effectively said she couldn't handle the work they do there, and that we need to lower our expectations.
My response is that my daughter probably would have gotten bored at their school because she is probably smarter than the teachers, and we need to find a place to help stimulate her mind to reach its full potential. While she needs work on some things (like not poking someone in the chest who wears a Hello Kitty shirt as a way of greeting) in others she's fine. Heck, I can't do lenticular puzzles, but she does them in less than 10 minutes. She's already figured out how to use skeleton keys and how to get things from locked rooms without getting caught. My trouble is making sure she uses her powers for good and not evil.
We'll find a school to take care of her. I know we will. But this lack of trying by a school whose job it is to help those who need help the most still bothers me. Hopefully I'll get over it, and one day maybe LLG will use this as the starting point from her speech she gives when she graduates from University at the top of her class. Even if she never reaches that point, I'll still always believe she can.
So when we got an appointment with one of these remedial schools and they said they'd take her on a trial for 3 days, I was excited but also a little scared. 3 days isn't long for someone who isn't on the spectrum to get acquainted with new surroundings. Heck, I take at least a week, and I'm purportedly neuro-typical. Still, it was a chance to get going and maybe have her ready for a new school next year. We didn't prepare her as well as we should have, but sometimes it is better to have her at her worst to make sure the school knows what they're getting. Usually, though, in a new environment LLG is a bit timid at the beginning. I was hoping she would steal the hearts of the teachers and they would say how excited they were to have her coming the next year.
It wasn't to be. They had her for 3 days (actually 2 1/2) and called afterwards to tell us that they couldn't provide for her, and we should try an autism only school. Never mind that everyone that has ever had my lovely daughter in a class or therapy tells us that she is a prime example of a child that would blossom with mainstream schooling. Never mind that you really can't tell anything from 2 1/2 days of school observation. Never mind that they used words that showed they were fixated on her being on the autism spectrum. No, they couldn't help her.
You know what? If they truly didn't have the ability to help my daughter, then I would be ok with that. I'm not going to force them to take her when it wouldn't be beneficial to do so. I have her needs to look out for as well. What really steams me is that it appears that they didn't even try. 2 1/2 days doesn't tell you anything about my lovely daughter. They said she went on "elopement" during her first day to go and jump on the trampoline. That's a particularly "autistic" phrase. My question is: Did you tell her it wasn't time to jump on the trampoline, or did you leave her out there to continue jumping? Did you lay out the rules for jumping on the trampoline? How many kindergarten children, seeing a trampoline at school, would not go and try to jump on it? But, because my daughter has autism you assume that she just does her own thing and can't be told to come join the circle? REALLY?!?!?
Also, the fact that it was only 2 1/2 days. That's all they gave her. She doesn't come out of her shell until at least day 3, and even then it's only a little bit. New school environment, new teachers, what little kid wouldn't be a little off. Heck, I remember crying for my mother when I went to Kindergarten, and she worked in the same school! (I was a bit of a wuss.)
The worst part is, my daughter loved it there. She talked about her new school, and cried when we took her back to the school we have her in. That's what upsets me the most. That my wife and I had to tell her that she couldn't go back to the new school, because it wasn't to be. I've promised myself that no one will ever tell Lovely Little Girl that she can't do something because of her autism. If she wants to be a writer, painter, philosopher, activist or even a mother, no one can tell her no. She will do what she wants to do, all they need to do is give her a chance. This school effectively said she couldn't handle the work they do there, and that we need to lower our expectations.
My response is that my daughter probably would have gotten bored at their school because she is probably smarter than the teachers, and we need to find a place to help stimulate her mind to reach its full potential. While she needs work on some things (like not poking someone in the chest who wears a Hello Kitty shirt as a way of greeting) in others she's fine. Heck, I can't do lenticular puzzles, but she does them in less than 10 minutes. She's already figured out how to use skeleton keys and how to get things from locked rooms without getting caught. My trouble is making sure she uses her powers for good and not evil.
We'll find a school to take care of her. I know we will. But this lack of trying by a school whose job it is to help those who need help the most still bothers me. Hopefully I'll get over it, and one day maybe LLG will use this as the starting point from her speech she gives when she graduates from University at the top of her class. Even if she never reaches that point, I'll still always believe she can.
Friday, March 16, 2012
24 hours of Charity and Work
I love my wife.
Seriously, how can you not love a woman that allows you, within one 24 hour period, to go play in a poker tournament and then play golf all day whilest taking care of our two children (one of whom is ill)? However that is exactly what happened the 14th and 15th. Let me explain how this happened, and the events of the day.
On the 14th I had a quick dinner with the family and headed off to the Country Club Johannesburg. Nice place, gorgeous golf course, and a lovely setting for a Texas Hold-em tournament to benefit Autism South Africa. Lovely English Lass volunteers there, and this was a major benefit for them. I in no way believed I was Doyle Brunson, but I thought I'd do ok. Playing in the game was a handful of guys that played professionally, and did tend to run roughshod over the table where I was sitting. I didn't win, but I stayed at the table for 2 hours, outlasted one of the pros and also beat three other guys to finish 4th at my table. A respectable showing I think.
The next morning I went to work and then came back home to change into golf clothing. I was going to play golf and it was a business thing. The course we played at is called Copperleaf, and it was designed by Ernie Els. (As an aside, Mr. Els is a supporter of Autism charities, as he has a child who was diagnosed as being on the Autism Spectrum.) The only problem? It rained the entire day. Not a downpour, but a steady drizzle that soaks you to the bone. Although I loved playing on the course (a links course with not a lot of water but numerous ways to spend time in the sand, which I did) the day was very draining. Still, lovely place, lovely company, and got a decent amount of business done while on the links.
It's been a very busy couple of days, and I'm glad it's the weekend. Now it'll be LEL's turn to go out and have some fun by herself. Hopefully she'll take it.
Seriously, how can you not love a woman that allows you, within one 24 hour period, to go play in a poker tournament and then play golf all day whilest taking care of our two children (one of whom is ill)? However that is exactly what happened the 14th and 15th. Let me explain how this happened, and the events of the day.
On the 14th I had a quick dinner with the family and headed off to the Country Club Johannesburg. Nice place, gorgeous golf course, and a lovely setting for a Texas Hold-em tournament to benefit Autism South Africa. Lovely English Lass volunteers there, and this was a major benefit for them. I in no way believed I was Doyle Brunson, but I thought I'd do ok. Playing in the game was a handful of guys that played professionally, and did tend to run roughshod over the table where I was sitting. I didn't win, but I stayed at the table for 2 hours, outlasted one of the pros and also beat three other guys to finish 4th at my table. A respectable showing I think.
The next morning I went to work and then came back home to change into golf clothing. I was going to play golf and it was a business thing. The course we played at is called Copperleaf, and it was designed by Ernie Els. (As an aside, Mr. Els is a supporter of Autism charities, as he has a child who was diagnosed as being on the Autism Spectrum.) The only problem? It rained the entire day. Not a downpour, but a steady drizzle that soaks you to the bone. Although I loved playing on the course (a links course with not a lot of water but numerous ways to spend time in the sand, which I did) the day was very draining. Still, lovely place, lovely company, and got a decent amount of business done while on the links.
It's been a very busy couple of days, and I'm glad it's the weekend. Now it'll be LEL's turn to go out and have some fun by herself. Hopefully she'll take it.
Monday, March 12, 2012
A birthday with a reminder
So Saturday I turned 36.
Funny, I don't feel like I'm 36. I mean, I still rock the Batman shoes. I still feel like I'm 26, not 36. Still, the birthday was a good one here in South Africa. Lovely English Lass and I got to go to dinner with some friends to celebrate the night before, and even though Lovely Little Girl was a handful for our babysitter she still agreed to come back again. So, success!
For my actual birthday we went to breakfast and then out to a lovely area near the Cradle of Humankind for lunch with a friend of the family. We met his lovely wife and LLG seemed to really like her a lot. The place had Shetland ponies, which Crazy Little Man swore were cows. He wouldn't be dissuaded. In the ends, it was a nice time and CLM asked these new friends if they wanted to come to his birthday at the end of the month. Good times.
Oh, but did I mention the phone call I received during lunch? Yeah, we got a call from our security officer to alert us to the armed robbery that occurred on our compound. The one guarded 24 hours by an armed guard. Where 3 families from the Consulate and Embassy live. Yeah, that one. You see, there is a house here that is for rent. There are 5 houses on the compound, and we rent 3 of them.
It seems the man who was looking to rent the vacant house had withdrawn a large sum of money from a bank, and had been followed by the robbers for 13 miles to our compound where they pulled a gun on our guard and robbed the man looking to rent the place. (I'm guessing he won't now.) No one that lives on the compound was hurt or robbed, but it shocked us all. My kids play out front on the driveway, and they could have been hurt. The thought makes me feel ill and my skin crawl.
So, while it was a good day (finished with LEL and I watching Caddyshack! which she hated) it did serve as a reminder of the place we live in. While it is a beautiful country, and the people are very nice, it can turn violent very quickly. Not exactly the birthday wish I was looking for, but it was good to be reminded that we need to watch out more carefully. Hopefully that'll be the last time we have something like that happen here, but I'll be planning to protect my family if it does happen again.
Funny, I don't feel like I'm 36. I mean, I still rock the Batman shoes. I still feel like I'm 26, not 36. Still, the birthday was a good one here in South Africa. Lovely English Lass and I got to go to dinner with some friends to celebrate the night before, and even though Lovely Little Girl was a handful for our babysitter she still agreed to come back again. So, success!
For my actual birthday we went to breakfast and then out to a lovely area near the Cradle of Humankind for lunch with a friend of the family. We met his lovely wife and LLG seemed to really like her a lot. The place had Shetland ponies, which Crazy Little Man swore were cows. He wouldn't be dissuaded. In the ends, it was a nice time and CLM asked these new friends if they wanted to come to his birthday at the end of the month. Good times.
Oh, but did I mention the phone call I received during lunch? Yeah, we got a call from our security officer to alert us to the armed robbery that occurred on our compound. The one guarded 24 hours by an armed guard. Where 3 families from the Consulate and Embassy live. Yeah, that one. You see, there is a house here that is for rent. There are 5 houses on the compound, and we rent 3 of them.
It seems the man who was looking to rent the vacant house had withdrawn a large sum of money from a bank, and had been followed by the robbers for 13 miles to our compound where they pulled a gun on our guard and robbed the man looking to rent the place. (I'm guessing he won't now.) No one that lives on the compound was hurt or robbed, but it shocked us all. My kids play out front on the driveway, and they could have been hurt. The thought makes me feel ill and my skin crawl.
So, while it was a good day (finished with LEL and I watching Caddyshack! which she hated) it did serve as a reminder of the place we live in. While it is a beautiful country, and the people are very nice, it can turn violent very quickly. Not exactly the birthday wish I was looking for, but it was good to be reminded that we need to watch out more carefully. Hopefully that'll be the last time we have something like that happen here, but I'll be planning to protect my family if it does happen again.
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Do The Evolution - Pearl Jam
I joined the Department of State when I was 23 years old. Boy was I young. Back then, I was amongst the youngest members of the Foreign Service. (Although not the youngest. Some joined at 21, and one of my friends joined right after graduation.) Needless to say I think I probably wasn't ready for the job and what I had to do at that time. Since then I've always considered myself as a newbie. You know, not like the old grey-haired elders of the Department. Sort of still an entry level person that didn't know enough yet and had a lot left to learn.
Then the other day, as I was working, it hit me that I am no longer that young kid that has no idea what he's doing. You'd think that would have come after being in charge of the Management section of an Embassy and a Consulate and also working on issues in Afghanistan. Nope. It came because I immediately started talking about what the regulations say without once having to check them, and on Saturday I turn 36.
Yep, I am on my 13th year of working for the Department. No longer can I claim that I'm a newbie. I actually do know my job, and seem to be doing it decently well. (They keep giving me jobs, right?) Plus, I looked in the mirror and there is a lot more grey hair than I remembered, and my hairstylist made a comment that my hair was getting a little thin in one area and that maybe I should start doing something about it. My son will be 3 at the end of the month, and the boss trusted me enough to leave me in charge while he was out. I guess I have to face it: I'm a grownup.
Yes, a grownup that has Batman shoes, collects comic books and watches "Phineas and Ferb" with his son, but a grownup all the same. Am I the same person I was 10 years ago celebrating my 26th birthday with my Peace Corps friends in Suriname? No, of course not. (Hi guys! I've still got pictures from that party. Be afraid!) But am I a full grownup yet? Maybe. Maybe being a grownup is a state of mind. Maybe I've had to evolve to being a grownup. In some ways (at work) I'm a grownup. But in others I suppose I'll always be a kid. Perhaps that's the secret to life. Be a grownup when you have to be, but stay a child where you can.
Anyways, for my birthday we're going out for lunch with a friend of the family at The Cradle of Humankind and then Lovely English Lass and I will have takeout while we watch a movie at home after putting the kids to sleep. (We're going out the night before for dinner.) It'll be nice. Still, I might make her watch a Batman film or an absolutely ridiculous movie just to keep the kid in me happy. Caddyshack would do just fine, I think.
Then the other day, as I was working, it hit me that I am no longer that young kid that has no idea what he's doing. You'd think that would have come after being in charge of the Management section of an Embassy and a Consulate and also working on issues in Afghanistan. Nope. It came because I immediately started talking about what the regulations say without once having to check them, and on Saturday I turn 36.
Yep, I am on my 13th year of working for the Department. No longer can I claim that I'm a newbie. I actually do know my job, and seem to be doing it decently well. (They keep giving me jobs, right?) Plus, I looked in the mirror and there is a lot more grey hair than I remembered, and my hairstylist made a comment that my hair was getting a little thin in one area and that maybe I should start doing something about it. My son will be 3 at the end of the month, and the boss trusted me enough to leave me in charge while he was out. I guess I have to face it: I'm a grownup.
Yes, a grownup that has Batman shoes, collects comic books and watches "Phineas and Ferb" with his son, but a grownup all the same. Am I the same person I was 10 years ago celebrating my 26th birthday with my Peace Corps friends in Suriname? No, of course not. (Hi guys! I've still got pictures from that party. Be afraid!) But am I a full grownup yet? Maybe. Maybe being a grownup is a state of mind. Maybe I've had to evolve to being a grownup. In some ways (at work) I'm a grownup. But in others I suppose I'll always be a kid. Perhaps that's the secret to life. Be a grownup when you have to be, but stay a child where you can.
Anyways, for my birthday we're going out for lunch with a friend of the family at The Cradle of Humankind and then Lovely English Lass and I will have takeout while we watch a movie at home after putting the kids to sleep. (We're going out the night before for dinner.) It'll be nice. Still, I might make her watch a Batman film or an absolutely ridiculous movie just to keep the kid in me happy. Caddyshack would do just fine, I think.
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