Calvinist Work-ethic

Last Monday night, I slept horribly.  I mean, tragically bad.

Of course the next day I had a bad day at work, and felt wretched the entire time.  (It also didn't help we had some major issues to deal with at work that day.)  I just figured I needed more rest and then I'd be back to being ok.  So Tuesday night I went to sleep very early (7pm) and woke up feeling refreshed, but also still a little weird.  Sure enough, Thursday I woke up, made the kids breakfast, and realized there was no way I was going to be able to go to work.  I just couldn't do it.  So I went back to bed.  Thus began my 4 days of being ill.  Thursday I slept and then canceled any plans for major work to be done at the house on the weekend, including cancelling our hotel reservations.  By Friday, fever was still going, and I was having dreams where the pillows were conspiring against me.  (You know those weird fever dreams you have?  Those can be soooo much fun.)  Saturday I stayed mostly in bed but decided to shave and rest as I was feeling a bit better and had no fever.  Sunday I was feeling better so we went out to have breakfast and did grocery shopping, which was in dire need.  Still felt a bit weak when I got home so I took it easy the rest of the day.  Today is the day before my wedding anniversary, which is a holiday, so I previously had taken the day off from work.  So, why am I now sitting in my office wearing a dress shirt, tie and slacks and typing on my computer at lunch instead of sitting at home, relaxing on my day off and waiting for tomorrow to celebrate one of the most important events of my entire life with the woman I love?  I think it's Calvinism that brings me here.

You see, growing up Baptist in the deep south, you get to know Calvinism pretty well.  Usually it's not talked about all that much, but it's inside you, and part of your DNA.  Since Calvinism believed in pre-destination, it was thought you could see who was going to heaven by looking at their lives.  Hard work and being modest were thought to be signs of someone who was one of the chosen to go into heaven.  So began the work of not complaining and keeping your head down and frowning on the glory-hunters.  You just do your job, and get benefit from the fact that your hard work is probably being appreciated in the after-life.

Well, it's still in my DNA.  I may not go to church as much as I used to, and I definitely don't agree with some religious institutions anymore, but I still have the Calvinist work ethic.  Always have, always will.  I've found that it takes the form of a little voice inside my head, like a conscience.  My own personal Jimny Cricket if you will.  I realized it quite strongly when I lived in London.

There I was, one day, laying in bed feeling like a ton of bricks had hit me.  (No it wasn't a hangover.  Not this time, at least.)  I'd already called into the office to say I wasn't coming in.  Then, this little voice went off inside my head.

"Why don't you take a shower.  It'll make you feel better..."

You're right, little voice.  It would make me feel better.

After the shower, the little voice said:  "I bet you'd feel better if you shaved.  I mean you've got three day's growth of a beard on your face right now.  Shave and you'll probably feel better."

Well, ok. I can kind of see that.  You do kind of look haggard after a few days growth of beard, so why not?  It'll probably be ok.

After the shave, the little voice said: "Now that you're showered and shaved, why don't you get dressed and go to work.  I mean, you're almost ready to go anyways."

You know what?  I actually did.  Still didn't feel well, but still went to work.  It's also why I'm here.  In my crazy (and I KNOW it's crazy) mind, I think "I shouldn't take off today, because I had two days off last week."  How messed up is that?!?  It wasn't a vacation, it was me being sick!  But in my head, I couldn't miss 3 days in a row.  And really it all comes down to not wanting to let the side down.  I am working hard today to ensure that everyone that depends on me gets a chance to see me before the holiday.

It's not a bad life really.  Hard work has gotten me a lot of things in my life.  A job that I'm pretty good at, a lovely and supportive wife and two great kids.  I get to live all over the world, and it's amazing.

One other thing: My wife is a saint.  How she's put up with me for the last 9 years is beyond me.  I loves you!