Songs of 2020

 So now that the kidney stone of a year that was 2020 is over, I’d like to talk about songs that I loved and help me get through it. These may not be new songs, but ones I discovered or re-discovered this year which put me in a good mood, or helped me process my feelings.  Many of these came from TV shows which really killed it in the music department. Hope you enjoy it. 

1) “Golden Brown” by The Stranglers. This song came out in 1981 but sounds like it should be from the 60s. There’s a harpsichord for goodness sake!  This came back to me through the excellent second season of The Umbrella Academy, which is still a highlight of my viewing schedule. The Stranglers weren’t really punk, and not post-punk either. They were just themselves and that was good enough for me. 

2) “Rocket Fuel” by DJ Shadow and De La Soul. Also from the Umbrella Academy, anything with De La Soul is going to be awesome. Even though not correct for the time period it was used, it fit the scene perfectly. Just awesome and will put you in a good mood. 

3) “Lazaretto” by Jack White. I saw this when he was on SNL and it blew me away. Daru Jones on drums was amazing and the entire song is fantastic. I think he chose it because a lazaretto is where you put someone in quarantine. Check it out. 

4) “JU$T” by RTJ (ft. Pharrell and Zack de la Rocha). Run the Jewels always kill it and this song is brought to the next level by Pharrell’s verse and the addition of RATMs de la Rocha. Fantastic song and a standout on a stellar album. 

5) “Right round the clock” by Sorry. A band that sound like an updated nu wave sound from the 80s. Great music with a hint of Tears for Fears.   

6) The entire Public Enemy album. Trust me, listen to it. Chuck D and Flava Flav been in the game for almost 40 years and they’re still killing it.

7) “How Long Do I Have To Wait for You Honey?” By Sharon Jones and the Dap-Kings. Neo-soul done right. This is a few years old but it is a great throwback to 1960s Motown and Stax. Sadly Sharon Jones died not too long ago, but her music will stand the test of time. 

8) “I can’t stand the rain” by Ann Peebles. Another from a tv show, the criminally under appreciated tv version of High Fidelity brought out some great music as well, which makes sense. This was a great song and fit the scene perfectly. The show also brought a Beastie Boys song I hadn’t heard before to my attention as well, I Don’t Know, which should get more airplay too. 

9) “Joe Strummr” by Four Fists, POS and Atronautalis. This is the theme to a podcast called “It Could Happen Here” which I’ve never listened to but that’s what I’ve been told. I discovered this song because I was looking for other music from POS because he was on a song by Scroobius Pip. This song really struck a chord for me and when I was feeling sad I’d listen to it and it felt like someone else out there understood my weird mood. 

10) “When the Levee Breaks (Live from Red Rocks)” by A Perfect Circle. This is not a cover of Led Zeppelin, but of the original version. It’s a mournful song that brings a sorrow out that is missing from the bluesy version most everyone else knows. When Maynard James Keenan sings “Late last night/I sat on the levee and moaned” you feel that. It’s an awesome version and one to add to your playlist. 

11) “The Struggle” by Scroobius Pip. This song is about fame and the changes you go through. It’s positioned as if fake is a serial killer. Great wordplay and a killer guitar working through it. 

12) “Which Side are you on?” By B. Dolan. A protest song using Pete Seeger as a template, B. Dolan spits bars showing the issues facing communities today. It is unashamedly a song with a liberal viewpoint, so if you have issues with that go ahead and skip it. But I love the music and the message. 

13) Everything Dan le Sac put out in 2020. They man was a machine and if you like electronic music, his stuff is for you. Also, check out the video games he soundtracked as well as I liked not only the music but the gameplay for Subsurface Circular. 

14) “Jesus is Coming Soon” by Blind Willie Johnson. Written after the last great plague, the Spanish flu of 1918, it has eerie echoes for today. Got this from the mashup Jack White did for his first song on SNL, and the song proves history doesn’t just repeat itself, it amplifies it. 

15) “Superthug” by Noreaga with the Neptunes. This came from the last season of History of Hip-Hop on Netflix and this song was SO ahead of its time. Just amazing how it assaults you from the beginning and doesn’t let up. That and “Grindin” from Clipse were The Neptunes at their best. Great work. 

16) “As Long As I’ve Got You” by the Charmels. This song should’ve been a huge hit, but now is basically known for the piano and hook played at the beginning due to Rza using it for CREAM off the Wu-Tang’s first album. Great song written by Isaac Hayes and David Porter. Fantastic music and really chills you out. Discovered this after reading an article on sampling  

17) “Dance of the Clairvoyants” by Pearl Jam. I was surprised how much I liked this song. The guitar and bass play on this are fantastic, and they lyrics really hit for me this year. “When every tomorrow/is the same as before.”  Really sometimes I just needed that, and I think it might be the best PJ song from the last few years. 

18) “Mr. Bojangles” by Jerry Jeff Walker. I’ve only ever heard covers of this song, so when Mr. Walker passed away this year, I looked up his original version since he wrote it. The simplicity of it is beautiful and I am sad I never got to see him play. 

19) “The Wanderer” by U2 ft. Johnny Cash. I was watching a YouTube video discussing albums from the 90s and someone mentioned they thought that Zooropa was underrated. I agree and although Lemon is still my favorite song off the album, this song is amazing. Bono letting Johnny Cash do his thing and not interrupting the flow gives it an otherworldly sound. Just a great song that’s been lost but should be re-found. 

Finally

20) “Let em Come” by Scroobius Pip, POS and Sage Francis. Possibly one of my favorite songs now. Coming from Pip’s solo album, Distraction Pieces, this song has everything: imagery of Millwall football club of which Pip is a fan; a banger of a chorus; a fantastic video with the men replaced by women on a night out; and great lyrics.  You might find it difficult to understand Pip, but try as he has brilliant flow and a way with words. Then check out his work with Dan le Sac. 

Let me know what you think when you listen to them. Honorable mention to “Too Cold” by Vanilla Ice which I didn’t know he’d recorded a nu-metal version of “Ice Ice Baby” but feel like the world needs to know.  

A Paradigm Change in the Economy

There are events that change the way the world operates, and completely destroys the old ways.  The internet definitely did that, with the move to e-commerce changing the way things are purchased, and making Jeff Bezos a VERY rich man in the process.  However, Amazon was the normal extension of the process of evolution in the Economy.  Nothing is new.

Prior to Amazon, there was Wal-Mart and K-Mart.  Large stores where you bought pretty much everything in one place for a low price.  Instead of going to two or three stores to buy shoes, clothing and appliances, you could now go to one place for it all.  The big stores drove those mom and pop places out of business, as people went for convenience and price over service and quality.

The outbreak of COVID-19 has now given a chance to again shift the paradigm when it comes to businesses world-wide.  With the loss of retail space due to large stores and brands losing marketshare, there is also now the prospect of a change in commercial space as well.

COVID-19 has proven that while there is a need for a physical address for businesses, maybe renting the entire floor isn't something that needs to be done.  Conservatively, would you rather pay $35 a square foot for 3,000 sq. ft. of office space (roughly $105,000 a month) plus utilities, internet and phones and computer equipment or pay a lot less than that for your staff to work from home?  Smart employers will start offering to pay for cell phones and internet for their employees, issuing them laptops, and letting them set their own times as long as the work is done.  Who says you have to work from 9-5 anymore?  If the work is getting done, and an owner can do virtual meetings, why not have people work more from home?  In fact, the only reason you'd need an office space now would just to have a place for meetings where you have to do face to faces.

As a manager, all I care about is the work being done.  If the work is being done properly and on time, I am not at all fussed about where they are.  This would have a knock-on effect on other industries, I know, but I definitely see this as something that is coming down the line.  Or, if not a full work from home, at least not every day at the office.  This would, in my opinion, make life at least a little easier for the worker, and might actually increase productivity.

So if my prediction is correct, and there's a good chance it is since it's already been proven to work, what will this do to the real estate market?  Lots of businesses depend on those workers for their livelihoods, such as restaurants and retail.  But this will also open up more free time for the workers, as they aren't now tied down to the desk in the office.  I've heard friends in the private sector, and where I work, say they stay late at the office to impress the boss with their dedication.  If they don't have to do that any more, and it is all now based off productivity, maybe processes become more streamlined.

Also, what if you no longer need a person in a certain location, because that work can be done from somewhere else?  Costs for utilities and internet can be done cheaply in some parts as opposed to others, and the cost of living is cheaper as well.  If someone is good, and wants to live in the middle of the country rather than work in New York, Washington, DC or even Atlanta, why can't they do that?  Or if you have a regional office to run overseas, why would you pay all that money to send someone there to manage, when it can be done through a regional hub with fast internet, cheap cost of living and good connecting flights?

Things are not going to go back to the way they were.  This pandemic is a paradigm shift, and just like with the introduction of the internet, it's going to change the way we work in the world.

Watches and staying normal

During this COVID-19 social isolation, we are all keeping busy to try and halt the spread of this virus. It’s important for everyone that we pay attention to health officials and stay inside and practice social distancing. This has been very difficult for everyone as the kids are out of school doing work via video, and Lovely English Lass working from home as well. I on occasion have to go into the office but I also need to make sure I limit my exposure.

With Lovely Little Girl, these changes are very difficult. Being on the spectrum, she likes her order and routine. She’s being a champ right now but there are some bad times where she is obviously overwhelmed. I completely understand that. Although I’m not on the spectrum, I’m trying to keep a somewhat routine myself. I workout when I can during lunch when I’m at work, I still get up at 430 every morning for time alone to drink coffee and read the news while making LEL some tea. But I also make sure I keep wearing a watch.

Now if you know me, you’ll know I collect watches. Usually small batch watches, but a few Citizen watches and a Tissot. So I move through all my watches during the week and on the weekend I wear a Helgray diver watch on a NATO strap. Even though the weekend isn’t that important with social isolation, I am a creature of habit. It helps me keep track of time and keeps me centered.

I can appreciate the so called smart watches, really.  I mean they look cool and are the closest thing to Dick Tracy that I've ever seen.  You can make calls on some of them, they can track exercise, pulse and even help you relax.  I do have a Fitbit to help with my health and make sure I am walking and getting around enough during the day.  However, I am and will always be a man that loves a good old fashioned wristwatch.

You see, watches are small works of art in my opinion.  They are crafted, not made.  Even the ones that are mass produced still have enough small things going inside them to make you sit back in awe of you thought of it all working together.  A good watch, and I'm talking Cartier or Patek Philippe, is so intricately put together with precision that it beggars belief that someone could have the skill and finesse to pull it off.  The beauty of the watch on the outside is matched only be the work done on the inside.  A simple mechanical watch contains about 130 parts.  A more complicated one can run into the several hundreds.  If one of those parts isn't working properly, or is installed insufficiently, then it doesn't work at all.  Only when they are working together, doing what they need to do, can the watch perform the way it should.

Yes, this is a metaphor (a rather tortured one I know) for society right now.  With this COVID-19 virus, we need to work together.  Only when we all try to stop the spread of this thing can we get society back and working again.  If we don't work together, the whole thing falls apart.  So please stay inside, wash your hands and try to reduce your exposure.

Now, if you'll excuse me I have some watch photos to look at during a break in working at home.  My Holy Grail watch, The Tag Heuer Monaco Gulf, needs to be looked at again for the 1,000 time since this whole thing started.

My Inner Gene Siskel: Joker

I was conflicted when I heard they were doing a movie on the origins of Joker.  I always felt that he worked better as an enigma.  Chaos theory in human form if you will.  Or, as he says in the brilliant, Killing Joke: "If I'm going to have a past, I prefer it to be multiple choice."  In fact, I believe that a good number of the ideas in the movie are directly inspired by this comic, which in my opinion is in the top 5 best Batman comics ever.  And then there came the backlash from people saying it was going to glorify mass murder, or that it would inspire incel culture.  Or it was a horrible representation of mental illness.  Or that it didn't need to be made.  Well, I wanted to see for myself what it was before I commented, so here is my review.  Spoilers of course for those of you that haven't seen it.

I was a little worried when I saw that the guy that directed the Hangover movies and Road Trip was going to direct this.  But, he's got his influences right, as this is a straight homage to mid-to-late 70s early 80s Scorsese.  Basically Taxi Driver and The King Of Comedy.  Arthur even does the pointing the imaginary gun to the head like Travis Bickle.  Robert De Nero stars in this just like those two movies.  The movie's even set in that time period.  (By the way, very nice usage of the old Warner Brother's title card for the beginning of the film that they used in the 1970s and early 80s.  That's a nice touch.)  Gotham is directly modeled on New York City at the end of the 70s, with the crime and graffiti on everything, and the place just looking rundown.  It's a nice way to start a film showing society going to pot without using the modern day examples.  New York in that time was not the gentrified, high rent place it is now.  There were a lot of problems back then which strangely saw the explosion of artists coming from there.  Hip Hop came out of the South Bronx, Disco was from Uptown, CBGB was a cauldron of different musical styles, and graffiti writers like Keith Haring and Basquiat were on their way to being made famous.  (Sadly other graf writers like Lee Quinones, Rammellzee, Lady Pink or Iz the Wiz didn't reach the heights of Haring and Basquiat.)  Still, it is within this cauldron that Joker is actually set, replacing New York with Gotham City.

What I saw in the Joker was a discussion on how society views those at the bottom.  They're disposable, and basically there to be fleeced, or mocked.  In one scene, (spoilers) there are three well dressed young men on the subway, obviously inebriated, bothering a young woman.  When Arthur Fleck (Joaquin Phoenix) starts laughing uncontrollably, which is a condition he has, they start to beat him up.  While they are putting the boots to him, to protect himself he pulls a gun and shoots and kills two, and then chases the third and kills him as well.  Instead of the three being remembered for the bullies they were, they are memorialized on the news as three men of good standing in society.  All three worked for Thomas Wayne, who speaks of the trash that killed these shining examples from good homes.

The movie also focuses on cruelty for entertainment's sake.  Robert De Niro's Murray Franklin probably comes across as a cross between Johnny Carson and Morton Downey Jr.  (What a dated reference, right!?!)  The consummate showman with an edge of nastiness.   When Arthur bombs doing his standup, Franklin plays part of it on his show and mocks him.  Heck, that's the basis for reality television, isn't it?  Simon Cowell saying, "I don't mean to be rude, but.." and then being an extreme bastard.  It's why we watch The Bachelor or Love Island, so we can feel better about ourselves watching others debase themselves in finding fame.  In this instance, the crowd loved the bit, and Murray Franklin's folks decide to put him on the show.  (By the way, Marc Maron is criminally underused in this film.  He's on screen for all of 3 minutes, but should have had a lot more.  Missed opportunity.)

The film also has a huge discussion about mental illness and how society treats those who suffer from it.  Probably one of the truest things said in the film is when Arthur writes, "The worst part of having a mental illness is that people expect you to behave as if you don't."  Society is still ill-equipped to deal with people who have mental illnesses.  Look at sports stars.  Soccer players in the UK are just now starting to have discussions about mental illness and how social media affects them.  Danny Rose, who plays for Tottenham, talked about the mental issues he's had, and said a team approached him about coming to play for them but wanted to check that he wasn't crazy.  (I think those are his words, but that's the gist.)    Mental illness is finally being discussed for veterans, but there is still no solution on how to ensure they get the help they need.  Jimmy Piersal wrote a book about his mental breakdown in the 1950s called "Fear Strikes Out".  The book came out in 1955, and they made a movie out of it in 1957 starring Anthony Perkins.  Did it make society take a look at how we treat those who suffer from mental illnesses?  Of course not.  Funding is inadequate, and public mental health institutions are closing due to lack of funding.  Many end up homeless.  In fact, in the film they cut Arthur's visits with his mental health professional, which means he now is cut off.  He also has a pretend relationship in his mind with the lady down the hall who has a child.  His world changes due to the realization that all his interactions with her were in fact made up, and he begins to embrace his world view.  (I'm shorting this part of the story.  Zazie Beets is awesome, and I love her work.  But a lot to absorb in the movie, and her part fits in with the mental illness discussion.)

Finally the movie, in my opinion, discusses the gulf between the haves and the have nots.  The whole discussion of the producers and everyone else.  Arthur finally shows himself to be the guy who killed the three men on the subway while on the Murray Franklin show.  He says basically that if it was him, they would have walked over him with no second thought.  But because Thomas Wayne cries about them on TV that their deaths are meaningful and tragedies.  It's an indictment of society, that praises those at the top and forgets those at the bottom.  This, in my opinion, is populism, either right or left.  But it turns out more in line with anarchists.  So Arthur Fleck assumes the role of Joker, a name given to him by Murray Franklin while mocking him on his own show.  He then kills Murray, is arrested, but then freed by the mob while they're taking him downtown.  He does end up in the mental hospital (a nice touch making it Arkham) and the riots occurring around town catch Thomas and Martha Wayne leaving the movie theater after watching Zorro The Gay Blade with their son, and ducking down an alley way.  Joe Chill follows after, and this scene is the birth of Batman.

The Killing Joke graphic novel basically ends with Batman begging the Joker to turn it around or one of them will end up killing the other.  It's a duality, and the movie shows that the creation of the Joker (at least in this universe) ends up being the creation of his greatest nemesis as well.

Lovely English Lass didn't go with me to see the film.  I knew she wouldn't like it and I didn't want to push her into it.  She definitely wouldn't have liked it.  Again, I'm not sure what I thought.  (The inclusion of "Rock and Roll Part 2" from Gary Glitter a notorious pedophile was a bit tone deaf to be honest.)  As a Joker origin, well it was fine.  Personally I didn't think we needed an origin story for Joker, but we got one.  Phoenix is really good in the film.  I did like his portrayal and it definitely sets up the "One Bad Day" riff in the original Killing Joke comic.  But did I like it? 

I'm not sure. But it sure made me think a lot.

Impostor Syndrome

I was reading on Facebook the other day one of those click-bait things that gathers together stuff from reddit talking about people that suffer from Impostor Syndrome.  For those who don't know what that is, I'll save you a google search.  "Impostor syndrome (also known as impostor phenomenon, impostorism, fraud syndrome or the impostor experience) is a psychological pattern in which an individual doubts his or her accomplishments and has a persistent internalized fear of being exposed as a "fraud"."  So there you go.  It's the overwhelming feeling that one day all that you're doing will be taken away from you because you think you're a fraud, a fake, and that you don't actually know what you're doing.  I never knew that the self-doubt I have about myself and my position within the Department actually had a name.  It was strangely comforting to discover that there are others out there that seem to have this issue as well.  It doesn't happen all the time, but usually when I'm under a bit of stress or if I start to think about how long I've been in the Department and how close I'm getting to being able to retire.  (We can retire at 50 or 20 years of service, whichever comes last.)  Seeing as I'm in my almost mid-forties, that's now something to think about.

Self-doubt has been with me probably as long as I've loved peanut butter, which is indeed a very long time.  Even when I know I'm good at something, I can never focus on it and revel in it.  I'm always worrying about what I don't know and what I've failed at instead of what I'm good at and things I can do.  It's a never ending cycle.  When I was in school, I was always very good in social studies.  History is something I really enjoy and even love, and excelled at it.  But I was never very good at math.  So I felt down that I wasn't excelling at math instead of being happy that I was doing well in history.  I won the Social Studies test (I think) 4 times from Elementary School through to High School without studying for it, but didn't win anything for my science fair project.  Guess what kept popping up in my mind bothering me, even though I had trophies showing my achievement in my room to remind me of success?  Yep, science fair.  I even started doubting I was actually any good at history because of my inabilities in other subjects.  How much does that suck?!?  I'm good at something, and yet I can't feel joy in it because I don't think I deserve it.

My work though is one of those things that always gets me with the feelings of being an impostor.  Much of it has to do with my first job in the foreign service, and how I was made to feel less than everyone else.  Much of this was because of my age.  Imagine walking into a workplace at the age of 24, being at least 5 years younger than everyone else, and being in charge of the largest section.  I got called "De Kleine Kind" (The little boy) by my staff at first, and then by staff in other sections as well.  In fact, one of my employees said, in Dutch that she didn't know I spoke, "We needed a man to get this place working, and they just send us a little boy!"  Let me tell you, that shit HURTS!  You're trying to do your best and getting roasted by your own staff before they even know you.  Lots of other stuff happened that dented my confidence, and since then I've had to work to prove to myself that I've earned what I have, and not that I'm just lucky.

This feeling mostly kicks up at about year 2 of my tour, as it usually means that I'm about to bid.  All the old insecurities start to pop up and I feel overwhelmed.  The problem is that I extended here for 4 years, so this time the insecurity is a year early!  Lord knows what it'll be like next year, but we'll just have to see I suppose.  Maybe one day I'll feel like I earned everything.  I certainly hope so, but there's so many times I feel like closing the door and hiding because I just know they're going to come find me and tell me that the jig is up and it's time for me to leave.

Thoughts on the Bible in Modern Times

Recently I've seen a lot of things on social media with pretty much the same message.  The memes were different, but the idea from all of them was that the Bible is clear on what it means and that what is right or wrong never changes due to changes in Society.  The clear implication is that things these people think are sins are sins, and usually there is a verse attached somewhere to prove their point.  (I've seen this on Twitter, Facebook, even Instagram.  Leviticus almost always comes up.)  The Word of God was, is, and forever shall be what it says.  And they're right: The Bible says and means what it has always said and meant!

Except when it doesn't. 

The Bible has been used over the years to promote many things and to support our own biases against certain "others".  People have used organized religion (not just Christianity but others as well) since time immemorial to support what they believe is correct.  To say that the Bible doesn't change just because your generation wants something else is a fallacy.  The Southern Baptist Convention was created due to slavery, and many in the South would use biblical allusions to make their case that slavery was justified by the Bible, and thus by God.  (In fact, the Bible was used to impress upon the slaves that they should suffer on earth and would receive their rewards in the afterlife as a way to suppress rebellion.)  In fact the split between Baptists had to do with naming a slave holder to a Missionary position, which was refused by the Home Mission Society's board.  I think no one now would say that slavery was endorsed by the Bible, but it was used as justification by preachers prior to the civil war.

Religion and adherence to the Bible were also given as reasons for segregation and anti-miscegenation laws.  Following Brown v. Board of Education, many places set up "private" schools that weren't bound by the integration order from the Supreme Court.  Most of them were religiously affiliated.  (Please google "The Lost Year in Little Rock" or "segregation academy".)  How many times was the bible used to keep the races separated in school, society or even in marriage?  Loving v. Virginia wasn't decided until 1967 for goodness sake.  Only a few die-hard racists now would openly say they are against someone being able to live in a certain area, go to a certain school or marry whomever they want of the opposite race because the Bible says it's wrong.

What about selling daughters in to marriage?  Marrying for love is actually a very recent development in human civilization, and it was discussed in the Bible that daughters were more or less sold to older men for money or for consolidation of power or land.

Equality between men and women is a relatively new arrival as well.  The Bible is STILL cited as reasons for why women should be living at home, popping out babies and being submissive to the husband's will.  ("Wives, submit to your husbands" is a quote that appears on a lot of comments sections.)  In the US the women have only had the right to vote for about the last 100 years, so society had to change for that to happen.

The fact is the Bible does say you should live a certain way, and I believe that many of what it teaches can be used to be a good person.  Take care of the sick, the aged and the poor.  Do unto others as you'd have them do unto you.  Live your life as an example so that people see it through what you do and how you live, not how you talk about what you believe. 

But to think that the way we view the Bible is the exact same as it has always been is not true at all.  The changes are there, and in my view they've actually been beneficial to the world.

Again, these are just my thoughts on a random subject I've encountered recently.  Feel free to disagree, as long as you do it politely.

My Inner Lester Bangs: "Father Stretch My Hands, Pt. 1" by Kanye West

Have you ever been so mad at something you need to take your time before you respond to it?  Like, it upsets you so much you have to back off it so you can calm down before you actually tackle it?  Yeah, this song did it for me.  It's taken me more than two years since it was released before I finally calmed down enough to write something.  Why?  Because in my mind, minus 20 seconds, this could have been an absolute classic, a banger, a song people would talk about 30 years from now due to how perfect it is.  We're talking, "Papa Was a Rolling Stone" or "Sympathy for the Devil" level.

The T.L. Barrett sample at the beginning setting the mood, the Metro Boomin' tag dropping perfectly into the melody, and the up-tempo flow mixed with Kid Cudi singing the hook make an almost gospel song out of this.  It's church music for the new millennium.  Praise was written about this saying it was both advanced and familiar at the same time, which is something difficult to do.  (Gnarls Barkley's "Crazy" comes to mind when I think of those two things happening simultaneously.)  "Beautiful morning, you're the sun in my morning babe!"  What a great line.  The song just keeps moving, flowing in the right direction with a beat that just puts a smile on your face.  Kanye's a great producer, as he's shown on other people's albums, and I feel him collabing with Metro Boomin was the right thing to do.  Two straight up pros bringing the best out of each other.  Then comes that 20 seconds I mention above.

But before I get to why that part upsets me, let's do the rest of the song AFTER the 20 seconds.  The song moves back into a discussion about how he met the girl mentioned in the missing 20, which follows a very familiar trope in popular music discussing a love interest and how they make you feel.  Familiar, but not worn out.  The rest of the song, with the backing vocals and the music make this song a classic!  It was used numerous times in Vines back before that App was killed by twitter, and even in a lot of YouTube videos, showing it had a lot of reach.  The fact that it was so popular, and still is apparently among Kanye fans, shows that people agree with me.  There's nothing that would have stopped this song from hitting Hip-Hop immortality like songs that enter the mainstream and stay there forever.  (I'm thinking "Shook Ones Pt. 2", "California Love", even "White Lines".)  But that 20 seconds kills all of it.

Now, the 20 seconds I'm going to talk about completely kills, in my opinion, all of the song.  For my audience, I'll describe it as best I can without actually using the words Kanye does, since cursing ain't my forte in the blog.  He describes having relations with a model who uses skin lightening techniques on a private part of her body, which then gets on his t-shirt making him feel stupid.  He repeats the word describing the body part and uses it to describe himself.  Honestly, that makes it sound more intelligent than it does in the actual song.  It's apathetic writing at its best, and idiocy at its worst.  This is a man that wrote some amazing songs with great lyrics.  (My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy is a classic, no matter what you think of Kanye.)  So much could have been done with it, and he's a clever enough wordsmith to make a story out of it.  I keep thinking Slick Rick would have KILLED that verse with his sing-song flow and told a story of meeting a girl.  They could have kept the portion after about being high when he met her down in Tribeca and it still would have had me bopping.  But no, gotta put in the portion about getting bleach on his t-shirt.  It still astounds me that the guy who wrote "Monster" and produced "Izzo (H.O.V.A.)" could be so disinterested in what is obviously lighting in a jar.

So there you have it.  So many words about 20 seconds in a song.  It should have been better, and it kills me that there is an almost perfect song out there that I could have shared with my son to demonstrate why hip-hop is actually an art form that should be respected.  Maybe Kanye can write a song called, "20 Seconds from perfection" as a rebuttal.  I'd probably listen to it.

A Discussion on Religion and Politics

I know, I know.  You aren't supposed to talk Politics and Religion with friends or family.  (Or college football if you're from the southern part of the US.  That one's probably more important to be fair.)  A reminder these are my thoughts and opinions and not those of my family, friends or the organization I work for.

I'm going to be honest with you: I consider myself a Christian.  I try very hard to live by the tenets  of Jesus and what he taught.  The Beatitudes are amazing, as are the other teachings of Jesus which can be used as a guide to those who really want to lead a good life and live in His example.  And I'm trying to pass that on to my children as well.  Be kind to others.  Look out for those less fortunate than you and help them when you can.  Don't judge others, unless you want them to judge you by the standards you are judging them by.

But I don't go to church anymore.  That's a personal decision and one that I'm fine with.  I have many issues with organized religion, starting with the systemic sexism against women which irks me.  Dorcas was a leader in the early church, as were many other Women.  Why then the prohibition in many sects of Christianity from women serving as clergy?  From my understanding of the Bible, that came mostly from Paul's writings, but Jesus never said any of that.  The shaming of women into being considered lesser also bothers me.  Western Society is influenced by the belief that Eve tempted Adam into eating the apple.  (Probably actually a pear, but I digress.)  Blaming the woman for the way they dress and how they look for sexual assault, or even down to dress codes at school telling girls that they can't wear something because it will distract boys at school.  Where do you think this idea came from?  It came from the dominant Christian culture of Western Society.  The idea that virginity is a basis to determine if a woman is worthy or not is absolute crap. Virginity is a made up construct meant to shame women.  Men can be Casanovas. but women are called Jezebels.  Denying women birth control because of some interpretation of the bible stating that since Onan pulled out and God was displeased with him really bothers me too.  I mean come on!  You'll support Viagra, but not birth control because, "It's not what God intends"?  Hey, impotence is also something God intends too.  If you've got a problem with one, then you really should have a problem with the other.  And why should someone's boss get to decide what they will cover in health insurance because of their religion?  Those same people would have a fit if, say, a Muslim refused to touch pork while working at a supermarket.

I also object to the treatment of homosexuality, and the shunning from people's families of loved ones simply because they are gay.  Hate to tell you, but homosexual behavior has been exhibited in nature as well, so there is truth to "born this way."  If you truly are a Christian, why would you shun your loved ones, or make jokes, or even assault someone for something that you say is against biblical law?  Hey, slavery and separation of races until recently was justified by the bible (and still is in some modern day instances, I might add.)  Plus if you quote Leviticus to me, I'm going to ask you about shellfish, and poly-cotton blends, as those are spoken about in the part of the bible as well.

To be honest, I feel that organized religion is used way too often as a crutch for our own insecurities and biases.  Heck, the Southern Baptist Convention was started because of slavery.  (True story, look it up.)

But the issue I have the most is with the politicization of religion.  Making laws because my religion says it is wrong is no way to do things.  Demanding that I honor your religious beliefs, but you won't honor mine is totally horrid.  Voting for someone because you think they'll do what you want them to, even if they are less than honorable and don't follow the tenets of what you espouse as your belief structure is totally hypocritical.  Condemning people for doing something, but then excusing someone else because they support your causes is also hypocritical.

And it just keeps going.  I was tired of going to church and leaving angry after hearing people (either from the pulpit or in the congregation) talking about how they can't be friends or even share a table with others if they're from another political party.  (Some Liberals are just as bad and I hate people like that as well, so please don't start on the, "But whatabout" crap!)  Ministers complaining that they can't speak from the pulpit about politics without losing their tax exempt status really irks me too.  Why should you be tax exempt if you're going to influence your flock into voting for who you think should win? How are you helping your community on a grass-roots level? Are you feeding and clothing the poor?  Are you helping the aged?  How about showing compassion to those with less than you?  If you're not using your tithe for those things, then why should you be tax-exempt?
Personally I don't see a reason for Churches to be tax-exempt.  If you need your tithe to be tax-exempt for you to give to your church, then it's not really a tithe is it?  Heck, you want to see how many people really believe in tithing, try getting rid of the tax break and see how many people still give.  I know many will, but it'd be an interesting test, wouldn't it?

Also, let's talk about what appears to be the only issue many Christians I know vote on: Abortion.  Great, so you want to outlaw abortion.  Are you going to arrest the woman who gets an abortion?  Put her to death?  Or are you going to only focus on the Doctor performing the abortion?  What about abortions in the cases of health of mother, rape, incest?  What will we do with these children that are now going to be born?  How will we take care of them when they are out of the womb?  How can we insure that they receive the heath care they need to be successful in life? Will you vote to increase SNAP, food stamps and subsidize child-care so that the primary caregiver can work?  Will you improve the foster-care system to better protect those who need it?  What about the adoption process, will you allow more people who are extremely qualified to adopt even if they're single or a gay couple?  Or does that not matter once they leave the mother's protective womb?

Or will you help provide access to contraception for women (and men) without a prescription so that we can have less unwanted pregnancies?  Or are you also going to demand that people not have sex outside of marriage due to what your religion believes?  That's a bit invasive, right? What about married couples that aren't ready to have kids, or even financially stable enough yet and want to wait until they have everything in order, shouldn't they be able to have sex within the so-called holy bonds of matrimony without the fear that they'll get pregnant?  Hey, rhythm method isn't 100%, as has been taught in every abstinence class I've ever had.  Also, shouldn't we be doing a better job of teaching sex-ed?  Knowledge is understanding in this case, and better understanding will help young people to completely understand what happens, and what should happen. Giving them the information will allow them to make better choices.

One of the other things I have an issue with is the focus on The Rapture.  Yes, the bible is quite clear about what is supposed to happen in the end times (as clear as prophecy can be I mean), but people trying to aid that and hurry it up are a bit naive, and annoying.  Just because you want to get to heaven quickly doesn't mean you have to turn this place into hell to do so.  God gave man control over the entirety of earth and all that dwell on it, but that doesn't mean he didn't want us to take care of it.  For goodness sake, if you're arguing that abortion is killing one of God's creations, then you should be out there trying to protect the wilderness and everything living on earth as well!  This was his creation too, you know.  This focus on The Rapture was also one of the things that helped contribute to my acute anxiety when I was growing up, which adds a whole other dimension to everything.  I resented it.  The fear, the demands to act a certain way or you'd burn in the lake of fire.  Telling young children that they must try to convert their friends or it will weigh on them the entirety of eternity is wrong, and can cause some pretty serious mental trauma.

And don't even get me started on prosperity gospel quacks.  "If you give me money, you will be planting the seed, and will reap ten-fold what you've sent."  Yes, it's the exact same pitch as the lottery or a pyramid scheme in my mind.  Spend to receive.  “I need a new plane and I need you to help buy it!”  This preys on those who are least able to afford it. They should be ashamed of themselves.  (And if you think I'm being over-dramatic about the plane thing, that actually happened!)

As I said, I have opinions.  Maybe one day I'll go back to church.  But I'll always remember something that I read in a book once: Standing in a church and saying you're a Christian is like standing in an auto dealership and saying you're a Porsche.  If I say I'm a Porsche but I can't run 0-60 mph in less than 5 seconds, then I'm not a Porsche.  If I'm in a Church saying I'm a Christian but not living like it, then... well you know.

Small events can cause big changes

As I sit in Bangkok looking out the window, I’m once again forced into reflection on how it is I got here.  (Not literally, of course. That would be Thai Airways and a lovely car from the hotel.). The fact is that little things happen which can have a great impact on your life further down the line.

In 1976, I was born in a smallish town called Malvern. I don’t remember living there and really the only thing it means to me is that I have to put it on every form I fill out. Such is life. Soon after we moved to Little Rock and then to Texarkana. (A can-do city according to the song I learned in kindergarten that for some reason I still remember.). Dad got a new job and moved us to Port Orange, which probably changed my path in life. If we’d stayed there I probably would have gone to the university of Arkansas and become a lawyer and lived there, probably quite happily. But moving to Florida changed everything. Because of the move, dad was chosen to go on an exchange to another country and took us to Australia when I was in 8th grade, and it exposed me to the world outside of the life I knew. There was more out there, and I wanted to see it.

When I applied to college I was accepted at University of Miami and GW. I went to GW, and again broadened my horizons. I was going to be an International Lawyer, and travel the world. Then I had my appendix taken out a week before the LSATs, and didn’t do well enough to go to Law school. Instead I took the Foreign Service exam on a whim, and passed it. I got a job in DC working at a law firm and realized I didn’t want to be a lawyer. Joined the State Department instead. First assignment, Suriname, wasn't what I expected but ended up enjoying it and meeting lovely people. I marched in Carnival in Trinidad. I stayed in a hut in a village in the middle of the rainforest. I had my own radio show. And because my post was considered a hardship, I was rewarded London. It was there I really found myself, and of course my Lovely English Lass. We moved to DC and then to Luxembourg where we had the kids. Got to go to Afghanistan, and then to South Africa, and then to Argentina. Then to Pakistan and now to Manila, which leads me to standing in my room looking out the window at Bangkok.

My kids have now lived on 5 continents and will have visited 6 of them by the end of next month. They’ve been on Safari, driven cattle in Argentina on horseback, and been to Hong Kong Disneyland. They’ve seen the Scottish Highlands and visited the reclining Buddha. Next month they see Uluru.

This isn’t me bragging, just showing how something small can impact everything in your life. My dad moving us to Florida. Us going to Australia. Me going to GW.  My appendix almost bursting. In March of 1976, I doubt my parents would have imagined any of that, or that their middle son would move literally around the world. It’s a long way from Malvern to here. It makes me wonder what my kids will do with their lives, and if they will appreciate how far we’ve all come.

The Jazz Improv Management Style Or: Being A Manager Doesn’t Mean You Have to be a Pain in the Ass, a Pushover, Or a Stick in the Mud

(Note:So, I've been writing a book during my lunch hour on my own Management Style.  I'm letting you read the first couple pages just to see what you think.  Please let me know in the comments your thoughts.  Thanks!)

The Jazz Improv Management Style

Or: Being A Manager Doesn’t Mean You Have to be a Pain in the Ass, a Pushover,

Or a Stick in the Mud

Prologue:

Let me be upfront with you on something: I never went to business school.  I didn’t graduate from Wharton, or even have a Master’s Degree.  What I do have is almost 20 years of experience as Manager on five different continents.  I work for the Department of State, and while many people will say that my management work won’t translate to the Private sector, I disagree.  Working for one of the most underfunded Departments in the U.S. Government, and having to deal with varied labor laws all over the world gives me a unique perspective on how to manage, and shaped my philosophy.  But you’ll have to decide if I’m right by reading the book and seeing if you agree.  If you don’t that’s fine, but at least hear me out.

What you can expect from this is a thorough discussion of how I managed diverse groups of people, and maybe you can find something you like in my experiences that you can use to improve yourself as a Manager.

However, if you’re looking for the Who moved the Seven Habits of Getting to Yes, then this book isn’t for you.   I’ve read many of those books, and they didn’t click for me.  I got some good suggestions on how to improve my Management Style, but many of it felt forced.  Plus, in my opinion, not all of those philosophies work on everybody.  I think you need a more varied approach in how you deal with your staff, and sometimes a varied approach for each person.  Again, your mileage may vary, but that’s how I see Management.

I would like to thank all of the people I’ve worked with all over the world. You’ve made me a great Manager, and helped me rise through the Department of State.  I’d like to thank my friends who listened when I needed an ear, and gave suggestions on how I could do better.  I’d also like to thank all of my supervisors, both good and bad.  Watching you showed me how to improve myself.  I’d finally like to thank my family for their support through it all. Of course my lovely wife, daughter, son, brothers and sisters in law, nieces and nephews, and of course my parents.  My mother managed the house and my dad managed the city we lived in, and I learned from both of them.

Chapter One: The Jazz Improv Management Style: An Introduction.

Picture it: You’re a brand new manager walking into the office to meet your team.  They’ve been together for years, and you’ve just arrived excited and full of energy and ideas on how to move the team forward.  How are you going to connect with them?  How do you find what motivates them?  What techniques do you use so that you get the best work from them?

These are all questions you must ask yourself when you arrive in a new position.  The answers vary depending on if you were a part of that company and are just moving upwards, or if you have been brought in as leader from the outside.  What doesn’t vary is the need to get results from your new team.  As a manager, you don’t have a large amount of time to “read in” or “ease into” the job.  You need to get up to speed quickly and make things happen.

In this way, being in the Department of State really helped hone my Management style.  The majority of the department jobs are for only one to three years, and so you really can’t ease your way into the position.  You must start working immediately, and learn quickly what are the go to rewards for your staff, and what areas you must avoid in order to keep your people happy and motivated.  Here’s a list of things that I use to get started when I arrived at a new post.  (I’ll go into each of these separately later on in more detail.)

1)      Set the expectations you have for your staff immediately:  Right off the bat, explain your expectations for your new team.  This includes behaviors and anything else you need them to understand about how you do business. 

2)      Let your staff know it’s ok to make mistakes:  I’ve always told my staff that no one is perfect. People make a mistake, that’s the nature of humanity. However, if you don’t tell me about the mistake until it’s become a really big problem, then I can’t help you out.  I won’t get mad if you discover the mistake and immediately come to me.  I expect my staff to be thorough, but I know sometimes you make a mistake in calculations, or you miss a decimal somewhere.  If you tell me immediately, we can correct it and move forward.  If I find out from someone else, that’s when we have an issue.

3)      Let them know you’ll stand up for them: I always say to my staff that if they have remained polite throughout the interaction with either a customer or my superior, that I will always stand by them.  And I’ve meant that.  If your staff know you’ll stand up for them, they will in turn stand up for you when you ask them to work later or to do that one special project that pops up over a long weekend that you need help with.

4)      Lead by example: Never think that something is beneath you as a Manager.  You need to be able to show your staff that you can work long hours with them, and wouldn’t ask them to do something you wouldn’t do. I’ve dragged mail bags into consulates, folded up chairs after events, help move bags of mulch from one place to another, and loaded and unloaded luggage for VIP visits.  My staff knows I won’t be asking them to do something I wouldn’t do myself, and so they won’t question when I task them to do something important.

5)      Get to know your staff: It’s important to get to know your staff as fully as possible.  Know their names, their birthdates, if they have kids, what sports they like or if they have special interests.  Following the law and not being creepy about it, of course.  This then can be filed away for use when you need to motivate someone that isn’t performing or to empathize with a subordinate.  I’ll discuss this more in a later chapter.

These are just some of the ways you as a manager can start to build report with your staff.  However, you may not feel comfortable with my method.  Everyone is different.  I want you to do this then: think of when you arrived in your first position and met your first supervisor.  Were you scared?  Were you confident in your abilities to do the job the right way?  What did your manager do to reach out to you as a subordinate to make you feel more comfortable?  You can then use your past experiences to reach out to your new subordinates to ensure they get as comfortable with you as quickly as possible to reach your goals quicker.

Chapter 2: So you’re in charge.  What are your expectations?

Now you’ve done it.  You’ve applied for a Supervisory position and you got the job.  Maybe you went to business school so you think you’re ready for this.  Or perhaps you have been doing a job like it for some time and now is your time to shine.  Maybe you took a chance and applied for the job, interviewed well, and had good interaction with the interview panel and they took a chance on you.  Maybe your father was in the same fraternity as the owner of the business and he’s paying back your pops for the time your dad talked the police officer out of arresting the owner for using a fake ID back in the day.  However you’ve done it, you’re now in charge.  What are you going to do?

I’ve seen it worked many ways in my time working for the Department of State.  I’ve seen those who walk in an immediately start re-arranging things; I’ve seen Managers who walked in and immediately bowed down to the Alpha member of the team, using them as a barometer of how everything works; I’ve seen Managers come in and lock themselves away in their office.  In my opinion, you need to set your expectations for your staff immediately, so they understand what it is that you want from them, and how you expect them to work.  Setting expectations early gives your team an immediate understanding of what you expect from them, and makes the transition period easier and quicker.

Goodbye to The Lane

Can you feel nostalgia for a place that you've only visited once?  While I only went to White Hart Lane one time, I've seen it numerous times since on television, and have the entire stadium burned into my memory.

Tomorrow will be the last home game for Tottenham Hotspur at White Hart Lane, which has served as their home since 1899.  Too small now for the modern game, it is an absolutely amazing place to watch a match.  I went there in 2003 for a pre-season game against PSV Eindoven, and immediately fell in love with the place.  It was odd we couldn't bring a beer or food to our seats, which perplexed the Yanks going to a match for our first time. However, the grass was green, the fans were in full song, and the game was fast paced and incredible.  I had to look the score up the other day, and it seems we lost that match.  Sadly, during that time in our history, losing wasn't that rare an occurrence.  But the passion, even during pre-season, made me smile.  It was that season, when I started to feel a little bit of something whenever I heard the scores for Tottenham, that I realized I was becoming a fan.

The loss of White Hart Lane to a new stadium, scheduled to open for the 2018-2019 season, is very sad for the modern game.  Nowadays in order to compete you need a larger stadium with Executive Suites which will bring in more revenue and allow the team to buy more players, making them competitive immediately.  I think it's draining the soul out of the game.  Tottenham are just doing what they need to do to remain competitive in the modern game, but that doesn't mean you can't miss the old times as well.

So many memories at the Lane for long time Spurs fans.  Winning the double in 1961, the first team to do it in the 20th Century; Winning the Cup Winner's Cup in 1963, the first English team to do so; 8 FA Cup wins; 4 League Cups; 2 First Division Championships.  While we haven't won anything recently, we haven't done too badly either.  All of it was centered around The Lane.  (Not to be confused with The Lane in Sheffield, that's another old and grand football ground.)  Of course the win against Anderlecht to win the UEFA Cup was one of the best nights at the Lane, but so many others as well.  Watching Kane score to ensure we beat Arsenal in the last North London Derby at WHL was special too.

The fact is we're losing a lot of these places all over the world now due to the economics of sports.  Tigers Stadium in Detroit is gone, and while I'm sure Comerica Park is nice, it won't compare.  Guaranteed Rate Field just isn't the same as Comiskey Park.  While the new Cowboys Stadium looks great, it doesn't compare with the old one.  I think we lose a little of the past when we leave these old stadiums, and the new ones just become disposable.  Look in Atlanta!  They got a new field in 1997, and now they built another one!  Where does it end?

I do wish I'd gotten a chance to go one more time with Crazy Little Man.  It would have been a great time, and he would've gotten to see it first hand.  Either way, tomorrow night my time I'll be sitting on my couch and watching the final home match at White Hart Lane.  One of the good things about the new Stadium, though, is that they aren't leaving the area that they've been in since 1899.  The new stadium is being re-developed on the same grounds, and so while the stadium won't be there, the echos of the past will still be heard in the area surrounding the Stadium.  We will remain N17, no matter what.  Bill Nicholson would've wanted it that way.

As always, Come On You Spurs!

Update:
I did indeed watch the game last night on TV, and watched as we beat Man United (something that when I first started watching Spurs didn't happen at all).  Afterwards, it rained on the crowd, but as the ceremony continued on the field (after clearing the fans from it first) a giant rainbow appeared over The Lane.  Strangely, as everyone at the ground sang Glory Glory Tottenham Hotspur, I accidentally hit the play button on my iPhone, and it started playing "Hallelujah" written by Leonard Cohen, but this version was Rufus Wainwright and a choir from Toronto and it seemed perfect.  

Two dreams

For those of you that don't know me, I am somewhat of a ham.  I love to perform, and even being the MC of quiz night is a chance for me to go out and make it something special.  Instead of just coming in and reading questions, I make it an event.  Can't help it.  I've always pictured myself with entrance music when I walk into a building, and wanted one day to be somewhat famous enough to warrant a piece written about me in Rolling Stone, or to appear on "Never Mind the Buzzcocks" in the UK.  Sadly, that TV show isn't on any more, and I doubt Rolling Stone will be knocking on my door any time soon.

But I do have two dreams that I still foster.  One of them is to perform my one-man show that I've had bubbling along forever.  Entitled, "Anxiety and Low Self-Esteem" it's basically me talking about what I went through growing up with both anxiety and low self-esteem, and how I've overcome a lot of it.  But with humor you know?  It's in the same vein of Dave Gorman's "Googlewhack Adventure" and if you haven't seen it you should be ashamed of yourself and do so right now!  I'll wait....  Anyways, he inspired me and I think I'd be pretty good at discussing how my life was shaped by anxiety, and the feeling of low self-esteem I fought against pretty much right up until my 28th birthday.  (I'm much better now, thanks, but still struggle.)  I can picture the entire thing in my head and how it would go.  There would even be a break in the middle where everyone gets up and dances for about 2 minutes before sitting back down to continue the show.  As you can see, there's been some thought put into this.

The other dream I have isn't quite so random.  I'd like to write a screenplay.  "The Diplomat" being the title I've chosen, but can be talked into a different one.  I've been working on the screenplay, but just haven't been able to move through, since I really don't know a thing about screenwriting.  I mean, how long is a shooting script usually?  Is a longer one better, or is it just going to get cut?  Knowing I have zero chances probably of ever seeing my work on the screen, I still think it would be cool to do, you know?  Just to point and say, I took a chance once outside of my area of expertise, and even though it didn't work out I tried.

However, I'm not really the writer in my family.  Lovely English Lass is an amazing writer.  And an amazing photographer.  And an amazing cook.  And an amazing mother and motivator.  And an amazing partner in my life.  So while I have these two dreams, in reality my life is better than the dreams. I'll still work on them, but to be honest, I probably won't be too upset if I don't finish them.  Besides, life with LEL, Crazy Little Man and Lovely Little Girl is far better than any rush I could get by performing.  Besides, they'd probably help keep me grounded if I got to big for my britches.  I mean, when I call home, the usual response from the kids is, "Hi daddy, what did you buy me?" Can't argue with that, can I?

Music has to have meaning

Music is universal.  Music is in every culture on earth, and was on the Voyager spacecraft we sent outside of the solar system, so now it's one with the universe.

However, there is a disturbing trend that I must speak of even though it's a bit of a generality.  I speak of the lack of meaning in music.  Much of music today is fluff or stuff done without meaning.  (Again, generality of course.)  While I love all types of music (most country music being an exception.  Just don't....) the fact is that some things out there have no feeling.  No soul.  No nous.  Music needs to have a meaning to it.  A catchy beat is good, but it's not something that you'll find thirty years from now playing on an oldies station.  I mean the Partridge Family had 7 Top 40 hits, but when's the last time you heard one of their songs on the radio?  (Aside from "I Think I Love You" I mean.)  Think of iconic scenes in movies with 1960s music playing in the background.  The opening of Mean Streets with "Be My Baby".  "The End" playing over the credits for Apocalypse Now.  Any Scorsese film with "Gimme Shelter" from the Stones.  Can you honestly tell me you'll hear any of the songs from today playing in movies in 20 years?  I doubt it.

Music is a base instinct in my opinion.  You get across emotions you might not be able to speak about, but the tone of the music can get you there.  As an example Berlioz wrote "Symphonie Fantastique" which was a full fledged story, using notes and sounds to convey a man in love with a woman, his infatuation with her, her death, his execution for her death and then his soul in hell without the use of words.  Telling the cellists to turn their bows over and play with the wood on the strings to sound like skeletons dancing was inspired, and the turning the theme of the beloved from beauty to a wicked jig in the last act was brilliant.

Queen could do that with their music.  Buffalo Springfield's awe inspiring "For What It's Worth" is a brilliant example.  What else, besides music, can exude meaning just by playing two notes over and over on a guitar.

To be fair, I feel a lot of the soul from music has been lost due to technological influences.  The feel of live musicians adds a lot to the sound.  I'm probably biased since I did play an actual instrument, but it's less cold and calculated.

I do know there are exceptions to this rule.  St. Paul and the Broken Bells is now a favorite of mine, as is The Lumineers.  But a lot of the disposable stuff lately just leaves me cold. Hopefully there is a backlash against it and people start making music again with guitars, drums and a singer.

While I'm at this rant: Get off my lawn!

My worst 6 months

That title may not be correct, but it's certainly the description of what my life was like one year ago.  From May until December (technically more than 6 months) I was in hell.  My professional life held on by a thread, and I was doing everything I could to survive.  This was probably the closest I've ever come to quitting my career, and that should tell you something.

It started because of a mistake.  Actually, my section made a mistake, but I took the blame.  I was the boss, so my fault, right?  I wasn't then, nor now, going to throw my team under the bus.  I took my lumps, told the front office at my last post that if they wanted me to leave so it'd make it easier on them I would, and prepared for the worst.  My Ambassador assured me that wouldn't be necessary, and we all faced the music together.  It was rough, but it passed, didn't really cause as much of a stir as originally thought, and things moved back to normal.

If this was an O. Henry novel, it would have been a learning experience and I would have moved onward in my life, wiser from the knowledge received during my tribulation.  Sadly, Mr. O wasn't around, and life was going to take a much more difficult turn for me and my family.

Before all of this had even started, I'd discussed with Lovely English Lass about leaving BA early to go to a post where I'd be alone for a year, and applying for a linked assignment to help with getting Lovely Little Girl a school that would meet her needs.  So I applied, and accepted the job for the Management Officer in Karachi.  LEL and the kids would go to the States, and now I had to apply for a job for afterward.  So I did, and it was a job I knew I could do and was very qualified for, and fully expected to get the job.

I didn't.  I was told they'd read my 360 reviews, and then looked beyond them and decided I wasn't what they were looking for in the position.  When I asked what that was all about, I was informed that the issue in BA had been raised.  I was encouraged to move on and try another bureau for a position.  I looked, and found a job that I liked in another bureau, and a friend of LEL was the incumbent.  I called him and talked to him about the position, and it really checked all of our boxes. I interviewed with the supervisor for the position while I was on vacation, and really hit it off with them.  They told me I was more than qualified, and that they'd recommend giving me the job.  A few days later came the official offer for the job.  I was ecstatic!

However, a month later, 2 days before I was to be officially put into the job, I received another email telling me they were rescinding my offer. They gave reasons as to why, which were specific enough to hurt and vague enough to not give much detail.  When I requested more information, I was informed that this was given to them in confidence and that I should talk with pretty much everyone I've ever worked with.

So, after all my hard work through the years, my reputation was laying in tatters.  I was going to a post alone so I could get a place for my daughter, and then I couldn't get a job at those posts.  I was advised to "just work hard and keep my head down and it'd work out" by quite a few people.  I was depressed and seriously thinking of leaving the entire thing, and chucking my career.  Heck, I could open a BBQ joint in the UK and be somewhat happy there doing something I liked.  But did I want to do that?

Not right now I don't.  (In a decade, maybe.  Check back then.)  Instead of the old me, that would have slunk away and taken it, I decided to fight back.  There are in fact things you can't take from someone: Pride in your work and a sense of what's right are two that pop off the top of my head.  Nothing in my evaluations stated any of the things they were accusing me of doing, and in my eyes (and rather amateur sleuthing on the internet) that was slander.  Basically, I prepared to sue if they didn't at least give me details on what I'd been accused of doing.  In my job, your reputation is everything.  It gets you jobs and gets you promoted.  If I'd allowed this to stay, it would have followed me for the rest of my career.  I also received support from some very good people in the department who told me to fight like hell, and when I felt like giving up to fight some more.

So I did.  I fought back.  I fought back through the proper channels, and by laying out my story.  I explained my life and career, and why I was doing my tour away from my family.  I told them of the horror of hearing that someone somewhere was saying these things about me, and I wasn't being given the opportunity to even rebut them.  I asked for the powers that be to direct them to tell me what was said, allowing me to face the accusations, and then to allow me an audience in person, which I would pay for out of my own pocket, to argue why I should be given the job back.

Less than two weeks later I got an email from the decision maker.  It started off thanking me for going to my next post without my family, and how hard that is and how big a sacrifice that is.  I braced myself, as that's usually how you start an email where the next sentence is, "However".  There wasn't a however, though.  They agreed with me, and directed that the job would be re-instated.  A week later came the confirmation, and then in January I was filled into the position.

Here's the lesson, everyone: You need to stand up for yourself in this world, cause no one else is going to do it for you.  I did have a lot of support from many people (both in and out of the Department), which was great, but it wouldn't have helped if I hadn't decided to take on that fight.  Remember, if you're an honest person that always tries to do the right thing, then you have nothing to fear.

The pain of losing someone you never actually knew

Boy 2016 has sucked for losing famous people, hasn't it?

Every time someone famous dies, there can be an outpouring of people talking about how sad it is, and many fans basically distraught.  Of course, with that and this being the age of the internet, this is followed by the people who mock them for their sadness, pointing out all the other bad things in the world, and making fun of them for caring so much about a simple celebrity.  It never fails.  It does in fact beg the question: How come you can feel pain losing someone you never actually knew?

Look, I'm no psychologist, but I can at least explain this one a bit.  You see, there is always something that speaks to you as a person.  Be it preacher, music, an actor or even a painter or artist.  Something that you see that for some reason becomes a part of you.  It's something you respect, and may even feel as if that one thing gets you.  In this world, which can be at times very confusing and just a bit crazy, there are always things that can give you solace. Things that put your mind at rest and take you to a safe place. That's a connection that can't really be explained, but it's a real one.  Because that person's work is such an important part of your life, losing them is just like losing a friend or family member.

I don't understand now why people are angry because someone feels sad their favorite artist (or actor, etc) died.  I guess now everyone can be their true selves with the internet's anonymity, and it makes them feel better about themselves by mocking someone else's pain.  However, it's weird that this has really started to come out, since there wasn't any kind of backlash against the sorrow felt by people previously when someone famous died.  (Well, there was kind of one when Kurt Cobain died.)  But no one said boo when there was much grief all over when John Lennon died.  The UK definitely was very sad when Eric Morecombe died in 1984.  But nary a word was mentioned over how stupid it was that people were grieving for someone they'd never met.

In my opinion, people need to realize that everyone has a thing they connect with.  Lovely English Lass has Jane Eyre, the music of the Beatles, and other things as well.  I have to admit feeling a certain pang of sadness upon hearing the news that Brazilian soccer great Socrates had passed away a few years ago.  (He was a maestro on the pitch in the 1982 World Cup.  Watch a few clips if you don't believe me.)

What brought all of this out, of course, was the death of Prince yesterday.  Strangely enough, a few weeks ago I downloaded Prince's greatest hits, and started listening to it again.  I've always liked his music, and if you grew up in the mid-1980s until the mid-1990s, you heard Prince on the radio all the time.  Some people hated his sexualized music, and tales of his perfectionism were rampant.  (Ask Morris Day and the Time, or The Revolution, or The New Power Generation.)  But if you listened to his music, especially as another musician, you couldn't help but love the sound of Prince.  Complex and simple at the same time.  (Frank Ocean put it best, so go ready what he said.)  It was the sound of growing up to a lot of people my age (now in their late 30s, early 40s.)  We, as a group, have introduced some of his more tame songs to our kids already.  Plus if you think about all the music he wrote, ("Nothing Compares 2 U") he's undoubtedly one of the greatest musicians of the last 40 years.  LEL and I talked about how it was weird that this one felt a bit harder to take than some of the other deaths this year.

Again, to me, it's all about feelings.  You make a connection to something, and it becomes a part of you.  In this world, with everything crazy that goes on, if you find something that touches you deeply enough to become a part of you, then you should be happy.  If someone creates something that means so much to people (be it music, art or literature) that when you die they all mourn your passing as if you were a true friend, that should be celebrated as well.  Because, in their eyes, you were a part of their family.

So this is 40

Can't actually believe I'm here already.  I mean, how did that happen?

However, 40 it is today.  Yep, officially middle-aged.  Hair is going a bit grey, and also a bit thinner than I'd like to admit.  (Granted that's at least thinning.  Rest of me, not so much.)

I'd long ago planned on how I'd like to spend my 40th birthday, or the days leading up to it.  You see, I've visited or lived on 6 of the 7 continents in this world.  I really wanted to go and see Antarctica prior to my 40th birthday.  Sadly, that is not to be.  Instead of sitting at the bottom of the world in careful contemplation and having an existential crisis (oh and whale and penguin watching!) I will be at the airport picking up the advance team for the very large visit headed my way at the end of the month.  Not great, but it's something, right?  As I heard once said, "If I wake up and read the obits and my name isn't in them, then I know it'll be a good day."

The truth is, I'm doing ok right now.  The next year will be a bit different with Lovely English Lass moving with the kids to the US, while I add Pakistan to my list of countries I never thought I'd live in but, lo, I am.  I'm in a much different place now than I was 10 years ago entering into my 30s.  For my 30th birthday I had a party at The Brickskeller in Washington, DC along with a whole lot of friends.  That was the beginning of it all, as about 3 weeks later LEL and I discovered we were going to be parents.  Since that time, life on 4 continents, a little brother for Lovely Little Girl, and some great memories.  Heck, even the Brickskeller is gone.

As I approach the next phase of my life, which I'm going to label as my dashing curmudgeon phase, I feel that I'm at the age where people start to take stock of their lives.  However, to quote one of my favorite movies, "Leave your live stock alone."  I'm going to continue to wear my Batman shoes and read my comic books and go to the Comic book movies if I want to (and if it's ok with LEL, of course).  I'm going to continue to make corny jokes every chance I get.  I'm going to walk into my office every morning to say hi to everyone to let them know how much I appreciate their work.  I'm also going to spend as much time with my kids as I can, since I will be away from them for a while this year, ensuring that they always know that their daddy loves them very much.  And I will continue to treat my LEL like the queen she is to me, bringing her tea every morning, and trying my best to let her know she'll always be my one and only.

Thank you to my family for supporting me these first 40 years.  My parents, brothers, nephews, nieces, my in-laws.  All of them are special to me.  Also a big shout-out to my friends that have been with me through it all, and continued being friends with me even when it was difficult to do sometimes.

If this is mid-life, the next part of it looks to be great!

MILB: "Believe" by dig

Many people have a Holy Grail of music.  One or two songs that they've looked for constantly but have never been able to buy.  One song that has haunted them, usually one that isn't well known but made an impact on you.  A rare B-side, or only on an import from Japan.  One of those things that you think everyone should know, but few do when you mention it.  It plays with your mind and then you think maybe you made the entire thing up.

Then, through the internet, you find that others loved the song too, and YouTube even has the video for the song.  However, you can't find it to download, and your wife has already said that there are too many DVDs and CDs for us to take around the world, so you don't order the album just for one song.  And so you are stuck with only listening to the song when you're with a wi-fi connection and remember to hear it.

Well, ladies and gents, I present to you one of the two songs I long considered my Holy Grail.  (Grailes? Grails?  Can a Holy Grail even be plural?)  As of November, I found both online after many false starts and fakes.  "Believe" by dig and "3 a.m. Eternal" by The KLF were the two songs I'd basically pined for since I was in high school.  I finally found both of them, and now I'm a bit happier. I'll do The KLF another time, but I want to focus on this lost 90s gem: "Believe" by dig.

dig were a band from LA that formed in 1991.  They were unique in that they had 3 guitars instead of the usual lead and rhythm.  It was a wall of sound.  Their one hit was the aforementioned "Believe" which got a lot of airplay on MTVs Buzz Bin. (But strangely is not on the Buzz Bin CD Volume 1, which I have and is awesome.  "Low" by Cracker, "Hey Man Nice Shot" by Filter, "Zombie" by the Cranberries, and songs by Bush, Gin Blossoms, STP, White Zombie, DMB and Danzig.  However, I digress.)

The song can be read a lot of ways: Questioning your own religious beliefs; questioning the actions of others in regards to their own religious beliefs; or even questioning the role of religion in a society full stop.  They definitely get a lot of mileage out of the loud quiet loud dynamic that the Pixies pretty much invented and everyone has ripped off since then.  Still, it's a great song, and it opens with the bass player starting off which, as a tuba player in my previous life, I wholeheartedly support.  The entire sound of the song is just overwhelming when you hear all three of the other guitars enter, smashing their way through the song.

I highly recommend trying to find this song if you can to buy.  It's amazing, and definitely took me back to my high school days when I was awkward pretty much all the time, and a friend and I used the word "Elmerish" to describe things we thought were pretty cool.  (Short for Elmer Fudd, which everyone agreed that I sounded like when I was trying to pick up girls so we made a joke out of it.  Shut up, it was funny, you weren't there, I hate you!)

Anyways, you can find the song and the original music video on YouTube here.  You'll definitely have 90s era flashbacks.  (There is a version of them here playing it live on Jon Stewart's old show on MTV, which is pretty cool.)

New Beginnings

Sometimes things don't work out as you thought they would.

The last time I bid on a job in 2013, it took me 7 months to find a position.  During that 7 months, I was a complete mess.  Lovely Little Girl felt the tension and it caused more anxiety for her.  Lovely English Lass was my support, but it was hard on her as well.  (One of LLG's teachers said "It would help ease her anxiety if we could tell her where she'll live next year."  LEL responded, "It would help ease mine too!")  When we found Buenos Aires open, it looked like a life-line.

However, one of the more difficult things you have to do when you have a child with a CLASS 2 medical clearance is that you have to start your research into your next post very early.  You have to find a school that can accept your child, has the proper therapies for them, and is a good fit.  Added into this is that I am still rated as a fair-share bidder, meaning I have to bid on places that are rated as having a 15% hardship rating, or more.  Most of those posts do not have sufficient schools or resources to help LLG, or Crazy Little Man for that matter.  So we have to find the places that can.  The problem is that MANY people in the same boat as us are bidding on those same jobs.  Plus, the person in the job can extend, which many do.  You see the problem?

Well, I looked at the proposed bid list for 2017, when we are scheduled to leave Buenos Aires, and saw numerous posts that fit with what we need for CLM and LLG.  However, none of these are Hardship posts, and without doing a hardship post I probably wasn't going to get these jobs.  I had to take a look at what I was going to do, and how it would affect my family.

One of the things I could do is curtail from my assignment here in Buenos Aires and take a one-year assignment in a hardship post by myself.  This is what I've done.  We will be leaving here next summer (2016) and I will go to Karachi for a year.  As you can imagine, this was not an easy decision, as I certainly don't want to be away from my family for a year.  Sadly, that's the new nature of the Department of State.  You sometimes have to go places without your family.  We told the kids that the Department had a job that they asked me to do, and I wanted to do it to serve my country.  They've handled it well so far, but I'm sure it'll get more difficult as we get closer to the date.  LEL and the kids will be in the States, so at least the children will get to live "at home" for a year before we head out again.

Before someone says it, yes, I know the Military has to deal with this all the time.  I'm not comparing my situation to that at all for one simple reason: DoD is much better equipped to support something like this.  DOS doesn't have the support system that DoD has to handle deployments away from dependents.  (Base privileges, counselors, etc.)  The Department has been trying to establish that sort of system since we've moved into "Expeditionary Diplomacy" and more and more officers have to do tours away from their families.  Sadly it's still a work in progress.

Look, I'm not going to say woe is me on this.  I chose this lifestyle and it's one that for the most part I enjoy.  I meet new folks, see new places and get to experience the world with my family.  Before my kids are 10, they will have lived or visited at least 8 countries.  Know how many I got to see before I was 10? One.  The one I was born in.  I never got to go on an actual safari, or see the Andes Mountains or visit Scotland or England.  Heck, I still haven't been to Boston yet.  (Although LEL has, I might add.)  My son speaks Spanish better than many High School students in the States, and has given flowers to a Secretary of State.  Not a bad life, actually.

I want to thank all of my friends and family for their support on this.  It's not going to be easy (probably easier for me than for LEL) but I know this is the right thing to do.  I'll keep you updated on what happens next.

MILB: "Passin' Me By" by The Pharcyde

Sometimes there is a song that just gets lost in the shuffle, or a group that's passed over even though they were so much better than those who made it bigger.  How is it that The Pharcyde didn't go on to be one of the best hip-hop cliques in the world?  "Ya Mama" was an absolute gem, full of witty insults that should have taken the world by storm.  The video for "Drop" directed by Spike Jonze is awesome and features Ad Rock of the Beastie Boys in it, along with a sample of him saying, "mmm, DROP" over and over.  However, the song I'm here to talk about today is "Passin' Me By".

Released in March of 1993, it's a awesome mix of jazz, hip-hop and even a little rock thrown in.  The samples are from Quincy Jones, The Weather Report and a guitar riff that can only be Jimi.  The mix, along with the storytelling keep it interesting and strangely up to date in the sound.  You could put this song on the radio today and I think it'd be a hit.

Lyrically, it's the story of unrequited love.  (And since I've already talked numerous times about my numerous encounters with unrequited love, I think you can understand why I dig this song so much.)  The song is the four MCs (Bootie Brown, Slimkid3, Imani and Fatlip) all talking about how they've fallen for different girls, but the girls keep passing them by.  (Hence the name of the song.)  This is a very old formula, and one that has been mined significantly in music history, especially recent music history.  Heck, "Happy Together" by The Turtles is just about this sort of thing.  However, this was one of the first times it appeared in Hip-Hop.

Each story is different, with the outcome the same in all four scenarios.  Bootie Brown talks about being in love with his teacher, who was married, and he had to give up on it.  First crushes can be brutal, and every one alive has had that same feeling, so this one is universal.  Imani talks about his crush, but realizes that letting her get away will probably make him a better person in the end.  Slimkid3 discusses this girl he's friends with and has a crush on that he thinks likes him, but that she in the end doesn't.  Hey, the friend zone sucks, but sometimes that's the way it is.  Everyone, I think, can understand that.  You get close to someone and you think that maybe you have a chance, but it turns out that they don't see you that way and in the end you're better off being friends.

The last verse is something that can tear at you, since it involves opening yourself up to really having your heart torn out.  Fatlip's verse talks about writing a letter to his prospective lady, telling her that he's in love with her and wants to make her happy.  He sends her the letter, and then 3 days later he receives it back labeled "return to sender".  Talk about a gut punch!  I actually do have experience on that one as well, and I can tell you there is nothing worse when you're young that laying yourself out there emotionally and having the person completely reject you.  I was a sophomore in high school and sent this girl a rose for valentines day, along with a note.  Needless to say, it didn't end with her running into my arms, and boy was I embarrassed.  It isn't their fault you opened yourself up to it, but that doesn't stop the pain.

It's got some great lyrics in it as well, including, "My dear my dear you do not know me but I know you very well now let me tell you all the things/ now let me tell you about the feelings I have for you."  A little creepy, but still full of feeling.  The chorus is almost a wail of, "She keeps on passing me by!"  It's full of emotion and you can definitely understand the feelings behind it.

There are songs out there that anyone can listen to and suddenly relate to it.  Back in 1991, "Smells Like Teen Spirit" was one of those songs, even though no one back then had any idea what Kurt Cobain was saying.  The biggest problem is that this song was released when there was a bit of a fight for the soul of Hip-Hop.  Gangsta Rap was out and getting all the headlines, while critical praise was coming out for groups like A Tribe Called Quest, De La Soul and Nas.  While those three groups still ended up being very popular, the G-Funk and Bad Boy production basically took over for Hip Hop.  Some groups got lost in the shuffle, and that's kind of what happened to The Pharcyde, I think.

However, it's not like this song hasn't gotten some acclaim.  Pitchfork named it number 41 on the Top 200 tracks of the 90s.  It beat out songs like "Closer" by NIN and "Mind's Playing Tricks On Me" by The Ghetto Boys.  Heck it was even referenced in Robin Thicke's "Blurred Lines" by T.I. with the line, "In a hundred years, not dare would I/ Pull a Pharcyde, let you pass me by."